Getting Ready for Motherhood

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This is a guest post written by Julia Merrill of befriendyourdoc.org:

The final weeks of pregnancy are full of conflicting emotions and emotional turmoil. Maybe you’re calling your mom every day for advice, or trying to spend a lot of time with your partner while it’s still just the two of you. You’re excited, you’re exhausted, you can’t wait for this pregnancy to be over. But you’re nervous too, unsure what to expect. The one certainty is that your life is going to be irrevocably altered.

You’re Going To Be Different:

As big a change as your body has gone through, your personality has changed as well. While you were growing a little person, you were growing into a mother, yourself. Your brain has changed, along with your center of gravity. You’re going to question assumptions you held before you had children. Your opinions may change, sometimes radically, once you’re a mother. Before I had kids, I rarely locked my door. I was trusting, and thankfully, no one ever took advantage of that. Once I had a child, it was as if my sense of danger turned on. Someone flipped a switch, and the world looked different, more random and dangerous, full of terrible drivers and rude people, and toxins and slippery surfaces and other things that can hurt your baby.

You’re Going to Get Powers:

Maternal instinct is real. When my first child was born, I questioned whether I had any at all. I loved my baby, but I didn’t feel warm and fuzzy and bonded when I breastfed him. I felt icky and uncomfortable and a little bit resentful of the tiny stranger at my breast. I questioned whether I was up to the challenge of being his mom. But I vividly remember the day that I got my answer. I was feeding my son little bits of chopped up sausages in his high chair. He began choking. Instantly, I whipped him out of the high chair, turned him upside down, swept the bits from his mouth, and he was fine. It wasn’t in the books, it wasn’t any way recommended to handle a choking child. But I did it instinctively, without thought, and it worked.

As I sat there shaking afterward, the adrenaline coursing through my body, it hit me like a tidal wave: I knew what to do. When called upon, I had what it took to keep my tiny human alive. It was humbling, and awe-inspiring to me.

When their children are in danger, mothers have lifted cars and successfully fought off wild animals to protect them. You might think you’re the most nonviolent person in the world, but once you’re a mother, you’re going to find that you do have it in you to hurt someone, if that someone is a threat to your child. There is no one more dangerous than a mother protecting her offspring. You’re going to grow eyes in the back of your head, and develop a sixth sense for when your kid is in trouble.

You’re Going To Be Tired:

Prepare to lose sleep for the rest of your life. Okay, I’m kidding, it’s more like for the first six months, and then again, for some months around the terrible twos. And then again, later when they start driving, until they’re around twenty-five. My own mother assures me I’ll start losing sleep again once mine have their own kids. The point is, kids make us worry, and they take a great deal of energy.

Take these last few weeks of pregnancy to nap as much as possible, and once the baby comes, sleep whenever he does. The housework will still be there when you both wake up. If you can afford it, consider hiring a cleaning service. If you have pets, consider a dog walking service. Take help when it’s offered, and ask for it when it’s needed. Give yourself time to rest, and when the baby is awake, play with the baby. No one ever lay on their deathbed wishing they’d done more housework. The moments with your baby go by so fast, and you’ll never get them back again. Spend as much time as you can together, making memories.

You Want to Take Care of the Details

With so much overwhelm in the final weeks, a lot of details will slip through the cracks. When the time comes to head to the hospital, you will feel a mix of exhilaration and terror. A lot will be going through your head, and the last thing you want to worry about is whether you’re wearing shoes or if you have a cord to power your phone. That’s why it’s always recommended that you put together a hospital bag in the weeks leading up your due date. Pack whatever you anticipate needing. Hair ties, a robe, a labor and delivery gown, socks, slippers, lip balm, moisturizer, device chargers, headphones, clothes for the baby. Any creature comforts you can think of. Then be sure to pack up copies of your driver’s license and your insurance card. Gather it all up, and put it in a bag that you can leave by the front door, right next to your comfy shoes. It might not feel like much, but having control here can almost feel like an accomplishment.

It goes without saying that your life is about to change. You’re going to have baby-proofed cabinets, corners, and light sockets. You’re going to wind up reading food labels and second-guessing all your decisions. That’s normal. But you’re embarking on the greatest adventure of your entire life. You’re getting ready to meet the most important person you’ll ever know, and you’re going to love them more than you ever thought was possible.

For regular insight into parenting, motherhood and more, check out Just Buy Her a Dress blog and podcast today!

Interview with Shoutout Atlanta

Check out my interview with Shoutout Atlanta below! Sorry I have not been podcasting or blogging much. I thought I would be more than ever with my first summer off since high school in over 20 years. Instead, I have found myself not on social media or online at all near as much and I have been taking some trips to visit with friends and family, cleaning things in my house I have not cleaned in a long time, and many days find myself staying up late and sleeping in, just like my teenage daughter. She has me on her schedule most days now. I have also caught up on all my shows and am even currently rewatching Dawson’s Creek for the first time in 20 years as well, which really makes me feel like I am in high school or college again. I will try to post more about my “boring” summer once it is over.

Meet Amanda Dodson Gremillion | Author & Blogger – SHOUTOUT ATLANTA

Bio: Amanda Dodson Gremillion published her first book in 2012. She began revising it in 2019 and republished it as Just Buy Her A Dress and She’ll Be Fine. The story chronicles her experience with severe postpartum OCD, anxiety and depression. Amanda is a graduate of Auburn University, and now lives in Calera, Alabama, with her husband, Jay, their daughter, Aubrie, and their two dogs, Honey Girl and Cooper. She hopes to write more books in the future. Follow Amanda’s journey on Facebook,  or twitter at https://twitter.com/AmandaGremilli2 and order her book here.  Also, follow her on the Mighty here Amanda Dodson Gremillion | The Mighty Contributor or listen to her podcast here Just Buy Her A Dress and She’ll Be Fine • A podcast on Anchor . You can also find her on Instagram here Amanda Dodson Gremillion (@justbuyheradress) • Instagram photos and videos.

Why my Book is Called Just Buy Her A Dress and She’ll Be Fine

I wanted to share a part of my book so those who have not read it yet can understand why the book, and the chapter this part is from are called Just Buy Her A Dress and She’ll Be Fine

“From the time a woman is pregnant, her life changes forever. When people hear that, they think of the fact that you have a tiny person living inside you. You bond with that person, which forever changes your life for the better. But suddenly, you are not just one person anymore. You can’t even walk around in public without some stranger thinking they have the right to touch you without asking because you have a baby inside you, and it fascinates them. They believe they should have a say in how you should give birth and the right to tell you how to raise this child that hasn’t been born yet, even though they don’t know you. This doesn’t stop once the baby is born. People think they can walk up in public and touch your baby without asking, and that you should listen to them about everything: how the child’s hair should be, what clothes they should wear, what they should eat, what you should be doing to prepare them for school. If they aren’t potty-trained fast enough or don’t seem smart enough for their age or tall enough or skinny enough or don’t act well enough in their opinion, you are going to hear about that, too. I now realize everyone is excited and trying to help, but when you have just become a new parent, all this input can overwhelm you and make you feel like a failure. When you learn you can’t please everyone, you can quit trying and do your best.


Another thing that can be overwhelming: People don’t only tell you what they think you should do when it comes to the baby. Because you are now the baby’s mother, they have opinions about what you should do with your life. This is especially true when you are pregnant. When I was pregnant, I didn’t get depressed. I was one of those happy pregnant women that other pregnant women hate. I felt very bonded with Aubrie. I talked to her all the time and couldn’t wait to meet her. However, I now see that some things started then that did affect me over time—especially the feeling that I could never be good enough as a mother, a woman, or a wife. I never did anything I thought could be dangerous for my child when I was pregnant, but that does not stop people from telling you how much rest you should be getting, what you should be eating, etc. You already feel these concerns have little to do with you and everything to do with the baby. After the baby is born, it starts to feel like the only reason anyone is concerned with you is so you can care for the baby. Being a mother is a very important role in life, but what about your other roles as wife, daughter, sister, friend, employee, or simply a human being?

Some people, especially women who have been through this before, understand and try to think of the woman. They give her attention when she is pregnant and when the baby is first born. I have heard someone make the statement before that they bought someone a new dress so she would not get postpartum depression. If only it were that simple. It is a nice gesture, but it would be even nicer if everyone was aware of this happening and tried to give mother and baby both the attention they need, knowing it benefited both mother and child. This would not require gifts or constant attention, just showing a legitimate concern for the person and making sure they feel loved too.
It is easy to love that little baby so much that you forget to give the mother the attention and love she still needs. After having the baby, the mother typically gets less medical attention and fewer checkups than the baby. She is expected to continue her everyday duties and care for a newborn while recovering…. People always think the husband should step up, notice if something is wrong with the wife, and help her. Often, he does, but other times he is as affected as she is. Approximately half of men whose wives get postpartum depression will get depressed, too. Your husband is your partner, and what affects you affects him. If you experienced deaths in your family and a layoff, your partner did, too. They have a new baby, too. They are also working and not getting any sleep. They also miss the time you two used to have together, and their life is completely changed as well.”

Bio: Amanda Dodson Gremillion published her first book in 2012. She began revising it in 2019 and republished it as Just Buy Her A Dress and She’ll Be Fine. The story chronicles her experience with severe postpartum OCD, anxiety and depression. Amanda is a graduate of Auburn University, and now lives in Calera, Alabama, with her husband, Jay, their daughter, Aubrie, and their two dogs, Honey Girl and Cooper. She hopes to write more books in the future. Follow Amanda’s journey on Facebook,  or twitter at https://twitter.com/AmandaGremilli2 and order her book here.  Also, follow her on the Mighty here Amanda Dodson Gremillion | The Mighty Contributor or listen to her podcast here Just Buy Her A Dress and She’ll Be Fine • A podcast on Anchor . You can also find her on Instagram here Amanda Dodson Gremillion (@justbuyheradress) • Instagram photos and videos.

Why Everyone Should Care About Postpartum Mood Disorders

This blog is also included in the podcast below

The estimates vary but it is estimated that 70 to 80 percent of women experience baby blues the first two weeks after having a baby. These go away on their own but another 10 to 20 percent develop postpartum mood disorders such as postpartum depression, postpartum OCD or postpartum anxiety. Approximately 10 percent of men do as well. These men and women could be your spouse, your child, your parent, your sibling or other family member, your employee, your boss, your coworker or your friend. Sometimes men or women develop more than one and how long they last can often depend on how quickly they get help. If you do not get help and continue to have more children, they can last for years and symptoms can worsen. Less than one percent of women develop postpartum psychosis which is what you normally see cases of on the news due to women harming themselves and/or their children. Even most women with this disorder do not harm their children. Usually the symptoms are more obvious, so it is caught earlier and they normally get help earlier. What this tells us is that most women get depressed if even for a short time after having a child, but most of them do not end up harming their child. The fear of people thinking they will harm their child is one big reason a lot of people do not get help sooner. They are scared to tell anyone and they feel ashamed for their thoughts, even if they cannot help it and do not act on them.

It is actually more common for the mother to harm herself. Suicide is the leading cause of death in new moms. Others suffer for years, never acting on any possible suicidal thoughts, but suffering in silence while it often starts to affect their entire life including their physical health, their marriage, their job, and their relationship with their children and everyone else around them. Some even abandon their children, but again this is rare. However, thinking it is a pretty common symptom. My daughter was planned, but I still thought I regretted having her at times and wanted to run away to the beach. I never acted on this, but even thinking it hurt my husband and also hurt someone else close to me. It hurt my husband for obvious reasons, but it hurt the other person because they had been told all of their childhood that their mother never wanted them or their siblings, so they were actually angry at me at first for saying it or even thinking it. Their mom truly did not ever want to get married or have kids and was forced out of their home as a teenager into marriage. They eventually saw that I did not truly feel that way and it was something I could not control thinking and did not want to feel. If anything, it eventually made us both more sympathetic to their own mother, whose mental health got worse with every child, and whose choices had never seemed to be her own as she was born in a different time. Her mother also never left, and could have, and she had some good moments as a mom, so where we judged her before, we now both tried to be more sympathetic.

Also, that person has always tried to be the opposite of their mother, always telling her children they were her biggest blessing and always wanting to be a servant to everyone. She is the opposite of her in so many ways and a good mother. However, she has sometimes shown that same resentment as her mother without ever even realizing it, because she has always taken care of others ahead of herself which always results in burnout, because everyone is human. This resulted in her daughter trying to do the same when she became a mom and quickly realizing she needed to take care of herself first, and she needed to teach her daughter to do the same if she was going to break this generational curse. My family and I knew nothing about postpartum mood disorders until I went through one myself, and it almost destroyed my marriage and I did not want to live anymore. After getting help and starting to educate others, older women in my family started to tell me they think they suffered from it too, but they did not realize what it was and just suffered in silence for years. We all now see so many generational curses that this caused or continued. I just want anyone going through this to know, you are not alone and you can get better. A lot of people do not want to talk about it because it is depressing, which is why my book has some humor in it and so do some of my blogs and posts on my pages. Learning to laugh about everything again was another step in healing for me. If mood disorders are not treated, the effects and aftermath can not only last years, the harm it does to individuals and families can last for generations to come.

Bio: Amanda Dodson Gremillion published her first book in 2012. She began revising it in 2019 and republished it as Just Buy Her A Dress and She’ll Be Fine. The story chronicles her experience with severe postpartum OCD, anxiety and depression. Amanda is a graduate of Auburn University, and now lives in Calera, Alabama, with her husband, Jay, their daughter, Aubrie, and their two dogs, Honey Girl and Cooper. She hopes to write more books in the future. Follow Amanda’s journey on Facebook,  or twitter at https://twitter.com/AmandaGremilli2 and order her book here.  Also, follow her on the Mighty here Amanda Dodson Gremillion | The Mighty Contributor or listen to her podcast here Just Buy Her A Dress and She’ll Be Fine • A podcast on Anchor . You can also find her on Instagram here Amanda Dodson Gremillion (@justbuyheradress) • Instagram photos and videos.

My Guest Appearance on Fearfully and Wonderfully Made Podcast!

I was a guest on the podcast, Fearfully and Wonderfully Made with Ria Story, a fellow author who also happens to be my second cousin! Here is the link to the podcast and the youtube of it, please check it out! She has a lot of wonderful resources through her pages as well:

Just Buy Her a Dress with Amanda Gremillion by Fearfully and Wonderfully Me: Become the Leader You are Destined to Be ® • A podcast on Anchor

Just Buy Her a Dress with Amanda Gremillion – YouTube (I should have shut that closet door behind me, please ignore the hangers lol and I was using the camera on my daughter’s chromebook which is apparently not so great, so I just got a newer nicer one for my computer for future video, yay!)

Bio: Amanda Dodson Gremillion published her first book in 2012. She began revising it in 2019 and republished it as Just Buy Her A Dress and She’ll Be Fine. The story chronicles her experience with severe postpartum OCD, anxiety and depression. Amanda is a graduate of Auburn University, and now lives in Calera, Alabama, with her husband, Jay, their daughter, Aubrie, and their two dogs, Honey Girl and Cooper. She hopes to write more books in the future. Follow Amanda’s journey on Facebook,  or twitter at https://twitter.com/AmandaGremilli2 and order her book here.  Also, follow her on the Mighty here Amanda Dodson Gremillion | The Mighty Contributor or listen to her podcast here Just Buy Her A Dress and She’ll Be Fine • A podcast on Anchor . You can also find her on Instagram here Amanda Dodson Gremillion (@justbuyheradress) • Instagram photos and videos.

What Moms Who Had Postpartum Anxiety Want Their Partners to Know

The Huffington Post recently reached out to me and asked me to contribute to this story. Please check it out!

What Moms Who Had Postpartum Anxiety Want Their Partners To Know | HuffPost Life

Bio: Amanda Dodson Gremillion published her first book in 2012. She began revising it in 2019 and republished it as Just Buy Her A Dress and She’ll Be Fine. The story chronicles her experience with severe postpartum OCD, anxiety and depression. Amanda is a graduate of Auburn University, and now lives in Calera, Alabama, with her husband, Jay, their daughter, Aubrie, and their two dogs, Honey Girl and Cooper. She hopes to write more books in the future. Follow Amanda’s journey on Facebook,  or twitter at https://twitter.com/AmandaGremilli2 and order her book here.  Also, follow her on the Mighty here Amanda Dodson Gremillion | The Mighty Contributor or listen to her podcast here Just Buy Her A Dress and She’ll Be Fine • A podcast on Anchor . You can also find her on Instagram here Amanda Dodson Gremillion (@justbuyheradress) • Instagram photos and videos.

As a New Mom, I Constantly Worried My Child Was Going To Die

I have never been what you would call a helicopter mom. Even when my child was pretty young, I would not hover over her at the playground, fearing every boo boo that might come. Even now that she is older, I am one of those moms who would let you fail if you just refuse to do your own homework. This has never been an issue though because she does it, usually without help, but I do help when occasionally needed of course. However, when it came to things that could be life or death, such as swimming, or getting into things once she could crawl and walk, I constantly worried and hovered. I have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and it causes Anxiety. It got severe postpartum before I finally realized I had always had it and got some help. Medication, therapy and a lot of other things helped. Once she got old enough to not get into everything that helped as well.

Looking back, I would have maybe done more to make me feel better safety wise too. I mean I baby proofed and took certain precautions, but years later I now work in a preschool where the environment is set up for kids to play freely without constant fear of them getting into everything. It is harder to do that with your entire home, but maybe with certain areas at least you can. Also, when it came to swimming, I would have scheduled swim lessons sooner, as early as possible. You can even teach babies. What happened to me though, apparently happens to a lot of people. It is like that overprotective mama bear goes overboard. You take sole responsibility for this new life and think anything that happens to them is now your fault and responsibility, even things that may be out of your control. Of course it is good to be protective of your child, but not to the point that you are in a constant state of panic and anxiety.

Many women have thoughts of something bad happening to their child, and when they have them as often as I did and they become obsessive, you will often hear them called intrusive thoughts. Sometimes, these even turn into thoughts of the mother hurting the child. This did not happen to me, but I will say as I have said many times before, that if a mom admits to having these thoughts and ask for help, she is asking for help because she feels guilty for having these thoughts. She does not have control over them and she does not want to hurt her child. She is being a good mom, doing the right thing, and deserves to get help without judgment or without having her children taken away. I had a friend tell me she once thought about driving into a pole with her child in the car years before when she had postpartum anxiety. She thought for a moment that she would be doing the right thing by taking her daughter with her. I instead wanted to run away at times, or prayed to not wake up, or had thoughts about driving into stuff when alone, thinking my daughter would be better off without me.

It was so conflicting to be such a protective mama bear, scared to have anything happen to a child you love so much, but at the same time feel so overwhelmed being this mama bear, that you just felt like you could not keep going sometimes. It is because no one can keep going in the state I was in, and no one should have to. They need the help I eventually got and wish I had gotten sooner. My daughter is 13 now, and deep down, my worst fear is still something happening to her. I do not think that fear ever goes completely goes away as a parent, so a little fear of that is normal, just like a fear of death in general. As Eleanor on the show the Good Place once said, “All humans are aware of death, so we are a little bit sad all of the time. That’s just the deal.” I think she is right, that is the deal, but I have learned to live with it and to not let it consume me anymore, because that does not have to be part of the deal.

Bio: Amanda Dodson Gremillion published her first book in 2012. She began revising it in 2019 and republished it as Just Buy Her A Dress and She’ll Be Fine. The story chronicles her experience with severe postpartum OCD, anxiety and depression. Amanda is a graduate of Auburn University, and now lives in Calera, Alabama, with her husband, Jay, their daughter, Aubrie, and their two dogs, Honey Girl and Cooper. She hopes to write more books in the future. Follow Amanda’s journey on Facebook,  or twitter at https://twitter.com/AmandaGremilli2 and order her book here.  Also, follow her on the Mighty here Amanda Dodson Gremillion | The Mighty Contributor or listen to her podcast here Just Buy Her A Dress and She’ll Be Fine • A podcast on Anchor . You can also find her on Instagram here Amanda Dodson Gremillion (@justbuyheradress) • Instagram photos and videos.

Pregnant Woman Need to Know About Postpartum Mood Disorders, Even if it Scares Them

This blog is also included in the podcast below:

Someone asked me recently if they should give my book to a pregnant woman or would it scare her? She apparently already had some anxiety about becoming a new mom which is why they were thinking about it giving it to her in the first place. I told them I think it would be a good thing to give it to them. I wrote it with some humor to lighten the subject and it has helpful information for any new or soon to be mom outside of just the postpartum mood disorder part. Then today, in a support group I am in to provide support, a discussion began about how people, including a lot of doctors, do not discuss postpartum depression with pregnant women because they do not want to scare them. I think this is a huge mistake of course. I understand the concern. The last thing you want to do is stress a pregnant woman out, especially if she is already stressed. You are worried about her health and the health of the baby, but yet they do not mind putting you through the same regarding other health conditions that affect a lot less mothers. Every woman is screened for gestational diabetes despite the amount who get it being much lower, but every woman is not screened for postpartum mood disorders. My doctors scared me as a new first time mom a couple of times while I was pregnant. We had to have extra ultrasounds to keep an eye on a possible kidney condition that turned out to be nothing. We also did extra ones to keep an eye on her large size, but she ended up coming on her own three and a half weeks earlier than they thought healthy and weighing eight and a half pounds. I am still glad we took these precautions even if it scared me a little and turned out to be nothing.

The fact that I thought motherhood would be mainly butterflies and rainbows is part of why I got postpartum depression in the first place. No one did my any favors by withholding helpful true information. If anything, maybe it could have prevented it, or at least made it less severe, or I could have at least gotten help sooner. Most women will not get a postpartum mood disorder but a lot will. Most will get the baby blues for the first couple of weeks though, it is pretty normal, and most statistics I hear show up to 80 percent of new moms get these. If they do not know about those, they might feel guilty for not feeling joyful right away and that guilt could lead to them feeling blue for even longer. I think so much of what many new moms go through can be prevented and that is why I try to shout all that happened to me from the rooftops. Women and everyone around them should know all about postpartum mood disorders even before they get pregnant, it should be common knowledge. That is my hope for one day. Learning about them should not be scary, and if hearing about them does scare someone a lot, they probably already have some anxiety which is a risk factor for getting them, so they really need the information.

Pretending they do not exist does not make them go away. Talking about them actually takes away their power. So what happens when someone does not get help? They often suffer in silence for years, and yes it can last for years, especially if you have a child, do not get better, have another child and so on. Maybe it sometimes eventually goes away on it’s own, but I think it instead it just changes from a postpartum mood disorder to a regular mood disorder or back to a regular mood disorder if you had one before, like me without realizing. If you never got help though and never address it, I think it will affect you and your children in negative ways. It adds to generational trauma and this is a best case scenario. Worst case scenario is of course what you see on the news, a woman harming herself and/or her children. This is the reason a lot of women do not seek help. They worry someone will think they will hurt their children. That is rare, but still can happen without help, so help should be encouraged, not discouraged and a mom seeking help is a good mom. She should get the help she needs and if that requires a short time away from her kids, she should be reunited with them as quickly as possible once better.

It is more likely that a woman will harm herself and everything should be done to try and prevent this as well. Some other pretty bad things that can happen is postpartum mood disorders can destroy a marriage and break up a family. Sometimes maybe this was bound to happen anyways and that was just the breaking point, but it can even destroy the best of relationships. It can ruin other relationships as well with other family, friends and with your own children. So if having posters and pamphlets everywhere, even in the waiting room during your pre and post birth appointments, or keeping those regular appointments you have before birth, even after birth and being screened regularly and checked on even for the first couple of years can prevent all of that, why would we not do it? If this was a regular thing would it not make it less scary? If people knew more about it, if people knew what to do if they have some of the risk factors or symptoms is this again, not less scary?

Bio: Amanda Dodson Gremillion published her first book in 2012. She began revising it in 2019 and republished it as Just Buy Her A Dress and She’ll Be Fine. The story chronicles her experience with severe postpartum OCD, anxiety and depression. Amanda is a graduate of Auburn University, and now lives in Calera, Alabama, with her husband, Jay, their daughter, Aubrie, and their two dogs, Honey Girl and Cooper. She hopes to write more books in the future. Follow Amanda’s journey on Facebook,  or twitter at https://twitter.com/AmandaGremilli2 and order her book here.  Also, follow her on the Mighty here Amanda Dodson Gremillion | The Mighty Contributor or listen to her podcast here Just Buy Her A Dress and She’ll Be Fine • A podcast on Anchor . You can also find her on Instagram here Amanda Dodson Gremillion (@justbuyheradress) • Instagram photos and videos.

Happy as a Mother Website, Podcast and Workshops

I wanted to share a good source I have found for those looking to parent without the constant anger, and losing their cool and who want to enjoy parenting more. This one is aimed at mothers but currently, due to COVID, I think everything is online right now anyways through zoom, podcasts, etc. Even when in person they probably allow men, or could supply some other good resources for fathers as well I am sure.  Help for postpartum depression, anxiety and rage | Happy as a Mother

Bio: Amanda Dodson Gremillion published her first book in 2012. She began revising it in 2019 and republished it as Just Buy Her A Dress and She’ll Be Fine. The story chronicles her experience with severe postpartum OCD, anxiety and depression. Amanda is a graduate of Auburn University, and now lives in Calera, Alabama, with her husband, Jay, their daughter, Aubrie, and their two dogs, Honey Girl and Cooper. She hopes to write more books in the future. Follow Amanda’s journey on Facebook,  or twitter at https://twitter.com/AmandaGremilli2 and order her book here.  Also, follow her on the Mighty here Amanda Dodson Gremillion | The Mighty Contributor or listen to her podcast here Just Buy Her A Dress and She’ll Be Fine • A podcast on Anchor . You can also find her on Instagram here Amanda Dodson Gremillion (@justbuyheradress) • Instagram photos and videos.

The Royal Family, Mental Health & Breaking Generational Curses

Prince Philip just passed away, and I feel a little sadder about it then I probably would have before after watching the show, the Crown not too long ago. I realize some of the show may not be accurate, but a lot of it is straight from the news and real life. As I watched the show, I would google to see if certain parts were true and learned a lot in the process. I always adored Princess Diana, but was never one of those obsessed with the royal family in general. The parts of the show I found the most interesting were things I never cared about or knew about before, for instance, the parts about Queen Elizabeth in her younger days. It was also interesting to see the Diana and Charles story through adult eyes for the first time as opposed to when I was younger and it was all happening. Charles and Diana married right before I was born and they divorced when I was 10, so I first saw it all happen through the eyes of child while listening to the opinion of the media and those around me.

I always knew that Diana was different to many from the rest of the royal family. She seemed friendlier, less stuffy, less private, but there are differences like this in everyday families that are not royalty. In the show, seeing a younger version of Elizabeth and Philip, I could relate to them more than ever before, in some ways. The relationship between Elizabeth and her sister Margaret is a lot like mine with my own sister. Elizabeth marries for love, yet her and Philip both later stop her son from doing the same and before that Elizabeth even stopped her own sister from doing so. Although in the latter case, she did not want to and felt bad about it, but had other choices and did not make them. Her sister also could have given up her princess title to marry the divorced man she loved though and chose not to. The royal family has previously tried to do the same to Elizabeth’s Uncle, which is why Elizabeth even became queen in the first place. I never knew this, but her father only became King because his brother wanted to marry a woman who had been divorced before and he gave up being King to do so. We all know how much hurt and pain was caused to so many before Charles eventually ended up marrying the woman he loved anyways, many years later. Trying to stop it only hurt him, Diana, their children, and his future wife, while also making her and Charles both into villians. I have to admit I always thought of both of them as such when younger, but now of course I know it was much more complex than that.

Everyone in the family made poor choices at different points, but one thing that really stuck out to me, was that no matter how much love Diana tried to offer them, no matter how hard she tried to earn the kind of love she wanted from them, they could not give it. I do not even think they would not, I honestly think they could not. They loved their children and she loved her children, but not in the same way. They had nannies mainly care for theirs, they were not as close to them, they were not as connected, they barely did things, like give hugs and the way those outside the family viewed them was very important. It was not to be an honest view, it was to be how they wanted to be viewed. There are people in my family like this, minus the nannies due to income alone, but they are like this because at some point, someone who, like me personally, likes to try and deeply connect with everyone they meet who is willing, but especially their own children, married someone who was almost the exact opposite. That marriage did not last either. Due to this, I now have family members I try to connect in the same way with, but probably never will be able to. I know this because they do not even have that connection with their children, yet it still hurts me, like it somehow makes me feel unworthy of their love, when deep down I know that is not really the case, but I understand why Diana often took it personally and it hurt her. It also resulted in her poor mental health at times.

I have often felt like the outcast with people like this and I would say that maybe they feel the same among people like me, but they never seem to act like that. Their behavior often seems to come with a feeling of superiority, like you should be ashamed for not feeling the same way and that there must be something wrong with you for needing the kind of love they cannot offer you. Maybe they have just never had it themselves. While a lot of us try to break generational curses or societal norms we see as damaging to us or our children, I think there are only so many we can break in one generation. It takes many generations to break some, because it took many more to start them in the first place. Queen Elizabeth broke some by marrying who she wanted, by marrying someone of lower status and by becoming a prominent woman leader even officially over her own husband. Prince Philip even broke them by choosing to marry her when he had a lower status than her, as you can see in the show and can imagine in real life had to be very hard at times.

We can definitely see that Diana broke some just by looking at who both her sons married and the relationships with their children. They both married for love and seemed to be pretty involved with their children. However, you can still see major differences in Prince William and Harry and you can still Charles often act like or side with the family members who did so much to hurt him and his children and future wives. The way Harry’s wife was treated when being open about mental health issues reminds me some of Diana’s treatment, minus one big change. Her husband was supportive and that made a world of difference for her compared to Diana. Based on the media, it seems like Harry might be breaking more generational norms than anyone in the royal family and is getting hated on by many for it, although Prince William and Charles seem to also get some hate by the other half for not breaking enough of them. Who knows what all is really going on behind closed doors, but based on what I see go on in my own family sometimes, I believe some of what is in the news and was in the show, the Crown.

Bio: Amanda Dodson Gremillion published her first book in 2012. She began revising it in 2019 and republished it as Just Buy Her A Dress and She’ll Be Fine. The story chronicles her experience with severe postpartum OCD, anxiety and depression. Amanda is a graduate of Auburn University, and now lives in Calera, Alabama, with her husband, Jay, their daughter, Aubrie, and their two dogs, Honey Girl and Cooper. She hopes to write more books in the future. Follow Amanda’s journey on Facebook,  or twitter at https://twitter.com/AmandaGremilli2 and order her book here.  Also, follow her on the Mighty here Amanda Dodson Gremillion | The Mighty Contributor or listen to her podcast here Just Buy Her A Dress and She’ll Be Fine • A podcast on Anchor . You can also find her on Instagram here Amanda Dodson Gremillion (@justbuyheradress) • Instagram photos and videos.