So someone on one of the local city Facebook boards was commenting on a Robin Williams meme, and made some very insensitive comments about suicide, calling those who do it wimps, cowards and selfish. This person had even lost their brother and sister to it. I know some of you have lost ones you love to suicide. Some blame them, some blame themselves. When you go through the stages of grief, anger is one of them, so it is normal to go through a short time where you blame the person, others or yourself, but I think it is important to try and move on from this stage.
If you are blaming yourself and/or others, I have to admit, that when I first survived severe postpartum depression myself, at first, I was upset at those around me for not seeing it and helping, but in years since I have realized, you cannot always help, they do have to want to get better on their own and seek or accept help, but people around you can truly make it easier. Yes, we should reflect on what we might could have done, so that we do it for someone else next time, but you could have done all of that and that person might have made the same decision. I read a quote once that says. “Your wound might not be your fault, but your healing is your responsibility.” Feeling guilty for the rest of your life is not good for you, and is not what your loved one would have wanted.
For those of you blaming the person who is gone, I used to think suicide was selfish too, but now I understand, you actually start to think everyone is better off without you, you are doing them a favor. I also realized I had always had OCD with Anxiety, it just got severe postpartum due to having a baby, around the same time my father and grandfather died, and I was laid off from my job. Then, because of my depression, my husband and high school sweetheart eventually left me (we eventually worked things out when I finally got help). This kind of shame some people give is why I did not speak up. I thought if I just had more faith, prayed more, was just stronger or powered through, I would be okay, but I never was, and got worse, and this might have caused me to end up like those who have ended their own life.
I was always the strong one for everyone, always did everything “right”, so it is disappointing when someone is so miserable they no longer want to live, and judgment and blame are placed on them instead of sympathy, and instead of reflecting on what might could be done better in the future to prevent this from happening to others. Or maybe the person was wimpy and a coward for once because they were so exhausted from not being every other moment of their lives. A lot of times, these people are givers and just give too much of themselves to others, so they are quite the opposite of selfish. I actually decided to become more selfish after going through it, and to take better care of myself, and to “put on my oxygen mask first so I can help others.”
Mental health is as important as physical health, and when it is finally treated as such, I believe suicides can be drastically reduced; but no matter how hard some fight physical illnesses, like cancer, sometimes the disease still takes them, without it being the fault of them or any other person.
Bio: Amanda Dodson Gremillion published her first book in 2012. She began revising it in 2019 and republished it as Just Buy Her A Dress and She’ll Be Fine. The story chronicles her experience with severe postpartum OCD, anxiety and depression. Amanda is a graduate of Auburn University, and now lives in Calera, Alabama, with her husband, Jay, their daughter, Aubrie, and their two dogs, Honey Girl and Cooper. She hopes to write more books in the future. Follow Amanda’s journey on Facebook, or twitter at https://twitter.com/AmandaGremilli2 and order her book here. Also, follow her on the Mighty here Amanda Dodson Gremillion | The Mighty Contributor