Since getting on medication long term, I stopped having panic attacks. Eventually I got a new boss, that actually caused a coworker of mine who had never had them before to have them, so I had them again. They stopped again when I left that job. I had not had one in at least over 6 months until I had one recently, and I still have no idea what caused it. I have been surprisingly calm during the current COVID-19 pandemic. I am one of the luckier ones. My husband is still working. He is a restaurant manager and they are doing curbside orders. They closed the preschool I work at for a while, but are paying us for most of the time we are out. We are also expecting a $2,900 stimulus from the government. I have also been babysitting for essential employees during this time, so I am actually making more money than before the pandemic. The people I babysit for have a pool, which is great since our neighborhood one might not open this year.
I actually used some of our extra money to have my book professionally edited. It should be done in a couple of weeks! Before I started babysitting, I had some extra time at home to catch up on all my shows, and to get some blogging and work done on my book. The day I had the panic attack was at the end of a somewhat rough day. It was one of my first days babysitting. I was just finding out that one of the children had special needs I was unaware of. This was making homeschooling both of them very challenging. Since then, I have gotten to know the children better, and things are still challenging at times, but much easier. I did not think babysitting stressed me out that much that day. Maybe it did though, or maybe it was a combination of that and the pandemic.
Although I have mainly looked at the bright side of things, I do miss my work children and coworkers so much! I also miss going to my favorite restaurants and the movies. I feel like maybe my medicine has made me feel so calm that I do not even realize when I am anxious anymore, but I still am sometimes. I instantly knew I was having a panic attack when it happened because of having them before. It was not like the first time I had one, or the first few where I thought there might be something wrong with my heart. Despite knowing what it was, it still hurt and still scared and surprised me, and I cried. My chest hurt so bad, but I quickly tried to lie down and do some breathing I know helps, to calm down and stop it. I was able to stop it pretty quickly and was fine.
If you don’t know what a panic attack feels like, for me personally, it usually feels like my heart might beat out of chest and I have trouble breathing. I feel like I might pass out if I do not lie down. There are many times I had them that made sense. Once I was on a scary ride, another time I had to see my husband for the first time after we separated off and on for a little while many years ago. Other times, I have been working out and started to have one. This was so strange to me because working out usually relaxes me. I think maybe sometimes you have them when your body slows down enough to finally panic. I think the same thing happened the day I got home from babysitting and finally relaxed, and it just totally caught me off guard. I have not had one since, so unless they become frequent again, I don’t plan any extra visits to the doctor or changes in my medication or career anytime soon.
Bio: Amanda Dodson Gremillion published her first book in 2012. She began revising it in 2019 and republished it as Just Buy Her A Dress and She’ll Be Fine. The story chronicles her experience with severe postpartum OCD, anxiety and depression. Amanda is a graduate of Auburn University, and now lives in Calera, Alabama, with her husband, Jay, their daughter, Aubrie, and their two dogs, Honey Girl and Cooper. She hopes to write more books in the future. Follow Amanda’s journey on Facebook, or twitter at https://twitter.com/AmandaGremilli2 and order her book here. Also, follow her on the Mighty here Amanda Dodson Gremillion | The Mighty Contributor