Stop Arguing With People Who Are Not Listening, For the Sake of Your Mental Health

So I was getting a massage the other day. Massages are something I have learned are important for me to splurge on. I still probably spend as much or more in a week eating out, than I do in a month on them, which is how I put it in perspective if I ever feel guilted for spending the money. If I ever feel like my husband is guilting me for spending too much on them, I just buy him one and he is back on board with it. During my last massage, I kept thinking about all the things I let get me this tense and why I let them (yes, during my massage, this is why I am always tense even on OCD/anxiety medicine). As I left my massage, my massage therapist joked, “Don’t undo what I just did!” It was just a joke, but it was like she read what was already on my mind, and it stuck with me. This time I was really going to try not to, because lately I had not been doing the best job of that.

Obviously, I only have so much control over my tension and stress, especially due to my OCD and Anxiety, and I know I am not alone in that. My medication helps some, but certain other things help as well that help most people, like not arguing with people who are committed to misunderstanding you. A lot of us only have so much control over it. With the political climate lately, I often get sucked into discussing politics on social media, like I must do so at times to change the world or something. I think I sometimes feel this way for a moment, because civil discussions and posts online over the years have helped reshape some of my beliefs personally, combined with life experience of course, but I have always tried to have an open mind, and I always try to be kind and civil when discussing such things. However, some people are not capable of this and they will be ugly to you for simply disagreeing, or unfriend or block you online and maybe even in person at times. I have never unfriended someone over politics and love having friends with different beliefs, however I have unfriended them over the way they treat other people, including when politics are discussed.

I have friends and family members who post and talk in person so much about politics that you worry about their mental health, but the minute you disagree with them on even one thing, they will say you are the one brainwashed. For me personally, it is just not worth it anymore to even say anything. I no longer feel I am doing anything wrong, and like the world will not be saved by me speaking up when the person I am speaking up to is not truly listening anyways. I will change the world by voting, I will change the world by the way I live, by the child I raise and the work I do and by putting all of me into it, not these discussions which often negatively affect my mental health, since I internalize everything or often take it personally. I am not discouraging discussing politics. I do not believe in that old rule about never discussing it or religion, but I do now believe in not discussing them with certain people.

This does not just apply to politics and religion, but anything. Have you ever worked somewhere where you expressed concerns you really thought management would care about, things they act like they care about for perception purposes, only to have your heart a little broken when they really do not care and do nothing about it, sometimes even still acting like they do while taking no action? What do people normally do in response to this? Well, for one, they often change jobs, but they also often quit telling management, even when they have a a new job or new management and they do care. This often happens in personal relationships as well, and in marriages, but it can also happen with just small every day things so much, it takes it’s toll that way as well.

I also often have people ask me how to help someone else going through what I did. The truth is, they have to want help and accept it so if you have tried, and they are not listening, do not put your mental health on the line for theirs if they are not ready. This is true with anything, but I will continue to share my story so others know they are not alone, should not be ashamed, and so they will hopefully get help and the stigma will end, but there are people I know personally I still cannot help with the same or similar issues, and not from desire to or lack of trying. They just weren’t listening, or sometimes they are, but it takes a while to sink in and you just have to sit back, give it time and take care of your own mental health in the mean time.

Bio: Amanda Dodson Gremillion published her first book in 2012. She began revising it in 2019 and republished it as Just Buy Her A Dress and She’ll Be Fine. The story chronicles her experience with severe postpartum OCD, anxiety and depression. Amanda is a graduate of Auburn University, and now lives in Calera, Alabama, with her husband, Jay, their daughter, Aubrie, and their two dogs, Honey Girl and Cooper. She hopes to write more books in the future. Follow Amanda’s journey on Facebook,  or twitter at https://twitter.com/AmandaGremilli2 and order her book here.  Also, follow her on the Mighty here Amanda Dodson Gremillion | The Mighty Contributor or listen to her podcast here Just Buy Her A Dress and She’ll Be Fine • A podcast on Anchor . You can also find her on Instagram here Amanda Dodson Gremillion (@justbuyheradress) • Instagram photos and videos.

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