The Royal Family, Mental Health & Breaking Generational Curses

Prince Philip just passed away, and I feel a little sadder about it then I probably would have before after watching the show, the Crown not too long ago. I realize some of the show may not be accurate, but a lot of it is straight from the news and real life. As I watched the show, I would google to see if certain parts were true and learned a lot in the process. I always adored Princess Diana, but was never one of those obsessed with the royal family in general. The parts of the show I found the most interesting were things I never cared about or knew about before, for instance, the parts about Queen Elizabeth in her younger days. It was also interesting to see the Diana and Charles story through adult eyes for the first time as opposed to when I was younger and it was all happening. Charles and Diana married right before I was born and they divorced when I was 10, so I first saw it all happen through the eyes of child while listening to the opinion of the media and those around me.

I always knew that Diana was different to many from the rest of the royal family. She seemed friendlier, less stuffy, less private, but there are differences like this in everyday families that are not royalty. In the show, seeing a younger version of Elizabeth and Philip, I could relate to them more than ever before, in some ways. The relationship between Elizabeth and her sister Margaret is a lot like mine with my own sister. Elizabeth marries for love, yet her and Philip both later stop her son from doing the same and before that Elizabeth even stopped her own sister from doing so. Although in the latter case, she did not want to and felt bad about it, but had other choices and did not make them. Her sister also could have given up her princess title to marry the divorced man she loved though and chose not to. The royal family has previously tried to do the same to Elizabeth’s Uncle, which is why Elizabeth even became queen in the first place. I never knew this, but her father only became King because his brother wanted to marry a woman who had been divorced before and he gave up being King to do so. We all know how much hurt and pain was caused to so many before Charles eventually ended up marrying the woman he loved anyways, many years later. Trying to stop it only hurt him, Diana, their children, and his future wife, while also making her and Charles both into villians. I have to admit I always thought of both of them as such when younger, but now of course I know it was much more complex than that.

Everyone in the family made poor choices at different points, but one thing that really stuck out to me, was that no matter how much love Diana tried to offer them, no matter how hard she tried to earn the kind of love she wanted from them, they could not give it. I do not even think they would not, I honestly think they could not. They loved their children and she loved her children, but not in the same way. They had nannies mainly care for theirs, they were not as close to them, they were not as connected, they barely did things, like give hugs and the way those outside the family viewed them was very important. It was not to be an honest view, it was to be how they wanted to be viewed. There are people in my family like this, minus the nannies due to income alone, but they are like this because at some point, someone who, like me personally, likes to try and deeply connect with everyone they meet who is willing, but especially their own children, married someone who was almost the exact opposite. That marriage did not last either. Due to this, I now have family members I try to connect in the same way with, but probably never will be able to. I know this because they do not even have that connection with their children, yet it still hurts me, like it somehow makes me feel unworthy of their love, when deep down I know that is not really the case, but I understand why Diana often took it personally and it hurt her. It also resulted in her poor mental health at times.

I have often felt like the outcast with people like this and I would say that maybe they feel the same among people like me, but they never seem to act like that. Their behavior often seems to come with a feeling of superiority, like you should be ashamed for not feeling the same way and that there must be something wrong with you for needing the kind of love they cannot offer you. Maybe they have just never had it themselves. While a lot of us try to break generational curses or societal norms we see as damaging to us or our children, I think there are only so many we can break in one generation. It takes many generations to break some, because it took many more to start them in the first place. Queen Elizabeth broke some by marrying who she wanted, by marrying someone of lower status and by becoming a prominent woman leader even officially over her own husband. Prince Philip even broke them by choosing to marry her when he had a lower status than her, as you can see in the show and can imagine in real life had to be very hard at times.

We can definitely see that Diana broke some just by looking at who both her sons married and the relationships with their children. They both married for love and seemed to be pretty involved with their children. However, you can still see major differences in Prince William and Harry and you can still Charles often act like or side with the family members who did so much to hurt him and his children and future wives. The way Harry’s wife was treated when being open about mental health issues reminds me some of Diana’s treatment, minus one big change. Her husband was supportive and that made a world of difference for her compared to Diana. Based on the media, it seems like Harry might be breaking more generational norms than anyone in the royal family and is getting hated on by many for it, although Prince William and Charles seem to also get some hate by the other half for not breaking enough of them. Who knows what all is really going on behind closed doors, but based on what I see go on in my own family sometimes, I believe some of what is in the news and was in the show, the Crown.

Bio: Amanda Dodson Gremillion published her first book in 2012. She began revising it in 2019 and republished it as Just Buy Her A Dress and She’ll Be Fine. The story chronicles her experience with severe postpartum OCD, anxiety and depression. Amanda is a graduate of Auburn University, and now lives in Calera, Alabama, with her husband, Jay, their daughter, Aubrie, and their two dogs, Honey Girl and Cooper. She hopes to write more books in the future. Follow Amanda’s journey on Facebook,  or twitter at https://twitter.com/AmandaGremilli2 and order her book here.  Also, follow her on the Mighty here Amanda Dodson Gremillion | The Mighty Contributor or listen to her podcast here Just Buy Her A Dress and She’ll Be Fine • A podcast on Anchor . You can also find her on Instagram here Amanda Dodson Gremillion (@justbuyheradress) • Instagram photos and videos.

NBA Players Get Depression Too

I was at a car repair place recently, waiting in the lobby (with my mask on by myself,) while my car was being worked on. The TV was on and I am pretty sure it was on ESPN. I was half paying attention at first and half playing on my phone, but quickly noticed the story on was about an NBA player who was being open about having depression. The player was black, and a man on there discussing it, who was also black, was shaming him for it. This is the second time recently I have seen this happen. One black person shaming another for having depression. Once they do, many white people then jump on board and think it is okay to do as well. I am not black, so maybe I have no right to speak up about this, but I do have a lot black friends often tell me that they think the mental health stigma is even worse among black people. I am part of a group on Facebook full of all races where everyone discusses race civilly (seems impossible right? but seriously, it is a wonderful group called Blended Lines). When we were discussing this issue, white people also share their experiences, and the black people in the group were surprised that the stigma was bad among whites as well. Like a lot of other issues, this is something that affects us all and that we all need to work together to improve on.

I will not pretend to know or remember who the basketball player or the man criticizing him was. I enjoy watching playoffs or good basketball games occasionally but am more of a football fan, especially college football. Anyways, the man shaming was saying that the player knew what he was signing up for and everyone goes through stuff and so on. This quickly got my attention and someone across the room may have noticed me quietly saying, “what an a-hole”. I actually said just that so I was censoring myself at least, but I was irritated and started paying more attention. Another guy comes on and quickly defends the player. Again, I do not even know who this man was or remember his name, just that he was a white man. He said that he thought the player was brave for speaking out and it has been proven people cannot help this. Plus, you have no idea what he is going through in his personal life as well.

I felt better someone had said exactly what I was thinking, so I calmed down for the moment, but of course I still eventually had to write a blog about it. This whole thing reminds me of something I talk about in my book. I once had a dream that I had a rash, but everyone around me had one that was worse so everyone kept ignoring mine, including me until it got worse and worse. It was not hard to figure out the meaning to this dream. We can always find someone who has it worse than us, but that doesn’t mean what we are going through does not matter or that we do not need help and attention too. Like my recent story about Michelle Obama being shamed for having depression, (https://justbuyheradress.com/2020/08/25/stop-shaming-michelle-obama-for-having-depression/), rich and famous people get depression too. Money or fame does not cure it, and they should not be shamed for it. They are actually being good examples in my opinion by sharing their struggles to let everyone know that anyone can go through it. Mental health is as important as physical health and should not be ignored.

Bio: Amanda Dodson Gremillion published her first book in 2012. She began revising it in 2019 and republished it as Just Buy Her A Dress and She’ll Be Fine. The story chronicles her experience with severe postpartum OCD, anxiety and depression. Amanda is a graduate of Auburn University, and now lives in Calera, Alabama, with her husband, Jay, their daughter, Aubrie, and their two dogs, Honey Girl and Cooper. She hopes to write more books in the future. Follow Amanda’s journey on Facebook,  or twitter at https://twitter.com/AmandaGremilli2 and order her book here.  Also, follow her on the Mighty here Amanda Dodson Gremillion | The Mighty Contributor or listen to her podcast here Just Buy Her A Dress and She’ll Be Fine • A podcast on Anchor . You can also find her on Instagram here Amanda Dodson Gremillion (@justbuyheradress) • Instagram photos and videos.

People who commit suicide are not selfish wimps or cowards!

So someone on one of the local city Facebook boards was commenting on a Robin Williams meme, and made some very insensitive comments about suicide, calling those who do it wimps, cowards and selfish. This person had even lost their brother and sister to it. I know some of you have lost ones you love to suicide. Some blame them, some blame themselves. When you go through the stages of grief, anger is one of them, so it is normal to go through a short time where you blame the person, others or yourself, but I think it is important to try and move on from this stage.

If you are blaming yourself and/or others, I have to admit, that when I first survived severe postpartum depression myself, at first, I was upset at those around me for not seeing it and helping, but in years since I have realized, you cannot always help, they do have to want to get better on their own and seek or accept help, but people around you can truly make it easier. Yes, we should reflect on what we might could have done, so that we do it for someone else next time, but you could have done all of that and that person might have made the same decision. I read a quote once that says. “Your wound might not be your fault, but your healing is your responsibility.” Feeling guilty for the rest of your life is not good for you, and is not what your loved one would have wanted.

For those of you blaming the person who is gone, I used to think suicide was selfish too, but now I understand, you actually start to think everyone is better off without you, you are doing them a favor. I also realized I had always had OCD with Anxiety, it just got severe postpartum due to having a baby, around the same time my father and grandfather died, and I was laid off from my job. Then, because of my depression, my husband and high school sweetheart eventually left me (we eventually worked things out when I finally got help). This kind of shame some people give is why I did not speak up. I thought if I just had more faith, prayed more, was just stronger or powered through, I would be okay, but I never was, and got worse, and this might have caused me to end up like those who have ended their own life.

I was always the strong one for everyone, always did everything “right”, so it is disappointing when someone is so miserable they no longer want to live, and judgment and blame are placed on them instead of sympathy, and instead of reflecting on what might could be done better in the future to prevent this from happening to others. Or maybe the person was wimpy and a coward for once because they were so exhausted from not being every other moment of their lives. A lot of times, these people are givers and just give too much of themselves to others, so they are quite the opposite of selfish. I actually decided to become more selfish after going through it, and to take better care of myself, and to “put on my oxygen mask first so I can help others.”

Mental health is as important as physical health, and when it is finally treated as such, I believe suicides can be drastically reduced; but no matter how hard some fight physical illnesses, like cancer, sometimes the disease still takes them, without it being the fault of them or any other person.

 

 

 

Bio: Amanda Dodson Gremillion published her first book in 2012. She began revising it in 2019 and republished it as Just Buy Her A Dress and She’ll Be Fine. The story chronicles her experience with severe postpartum OCD, anxiety and depression. Amanda is a graduate of Auburn University, and now lives in Calera, Alabama, with her husband, Jay, their daughter, Aubrie, and their two dogs, Honey Girl and Cooper. She hopes to write more books in the future. Follow Amanda’s journey on Facebook,  or twitter at https://twitter.com/AmandaGremilli2 and order her book here.  Also, follow her on the Mighty here Amanda Dodson Gremillion | The Mighty Contributor or listen to her podcast here Just Buy Her A Dress and She’ll Be Fine • A podcast on Anchor . You can also find her on Instagram here Amanda Dodson Gremillion (@justbuyheradress) • Instagram photos and videos.