“Victorious Parenting: Achieve the Peaceful Homelife you Deserve!”

I wanted to share another great parenting website I really like:

https://victoriousparenting.com/

From the site:

“I’m Arabella Hille, founder of Victorious Parenting.

I am a mother, former teacher, and experienced Parenting Educator. I’m qualified in Behavioral Science through Swinburne University. I have been providing parenting resources and support to the online parenting community for years. Via my books and programs, I have now helped over 33,000 families worldwide!

I help parents & caregivers become Victorious by providing resources and advice, so they can help their kids grow into well-rounded adults who can take on anything life throws at them.

You can read more about my story click the button on my site to find a program that’s right for you.

Parenting can feel like an exhausting uphill battle & each child is unique. This can make it even harder to figure out how to;

  • Reach them when they don’t open up to you.
  • Deal with behavioral difficulties that arise from low self-esteem.
  • Teach them how to stand up for themselves effectively.
  • Manage their behavior without damaging them.
  • Effectively communicate and build relationships with multiple children especially when sibling rivalry is involved.

I’ve been there. I can help.”

Bio: Amanda Dodson Gremillion published her first book in 2012. She began revising it in 2019 and republished it as Just Buy Her A Dress and She’ll Be Fine. The story chronicles her experience with severe postpartum OCD, anxiety and depression. Amanda is a graduate of Auburn University, and now lives in Calera, Alabama, with her husband, Jay, their daughter, Aubrie, and their two dogs, Honey Girl and Cooper. She hopes to write more books in the future. Follow Amanda’s journey on Facebook,  or twitter at https://twitter.com/AmandaGremilli2 and order her book here.  Also, follow her on the Mighty here Amanda Dodson Gremillion | The Mighty Contributor or listen to her podcast here Just Buy Her A Dress and She’ll Be Fine • A podcast on Anchor . You can also find her on Instagram here Amanda Dodson Gremillion (@justbuyheradress) • Instagram photos and videos.

Raising Yourself

There is a Facebook page I follow and love so I wanted to share the website here and some content from it. I have also added it to the About section of my site.

“Hi! I’m Shelly Robinson, the heart and soul behind Raising Yourself. I am so glad you’re here.

When I first became a mom, I remember being so thrilled about the opportunity to teach my children all the things I wanted them to know. I was bubbling over with wisdom I wanted to impart, lessons I wanted to teach. Oh, I thought I knew so much.

Now, nearly a decade into this parenting gig, I have learned that they had far more to teach me than I had to teach them.”

https://www.shellyrobinson.com/

Bio: Amanda Dodson Gremillion published her first book in 2012. She began revising it in 2019 and republished it as Just Buy Her A Dress and She’ll Be Fine. The story chronicles her experience with severe postpartum OCD, anxiety and depression. Amanda is a graduate of Auburn University, and now lives in Calera, Alabama, with her husband, Jay, their daughter, Aubrie, and their two dogs, Honey Girl and Cooper. She hopes to write more books in the future. Follow Amanda’s journey on Facebook,  or twitter at https://twitter.com/AmandaGremilli2 and order her book here.  Also, follow her on the Mighty here Amanda Dodson Gremillion | The Mighty Contributor or listen to her podcast here Just Buy Her A Dress and She’ll Be Fine • A podcast on Anchor . You can also find her on Instagram here Amanda Dodson Gremillion (@justbuyheradress) • Instagram photos and videos. Amanda is also a Community Champion for a website and app about physical and mental health called Kopa which can be found at www.kopa.com.

Donate an Hour to Support a Black Mom in Need!

‘She Matters is currently looking for doulas, licensed clinical social workers, psychiatrists, psychologists, and therapists to DONATE up to five hours to support Black mamas during the first 40 days of their postpartum period. She Matters is making huge strides to make change, we are establishing partnerships with hospitals and other organizations to bring QUALITY postpartum care to Black moms everywhere. We are selecting 25 therapists et al. to be part of our pilot program that will soon be adopted by a hospital network. Our volunteers will receive FREE access to our cultural competence certification and access to our network of over 7,500 Black moms ready for therapy and coaching. If you are interested, please complete the form below. We look forward to hearing from you! Thank you for your support. Happy Holidays to you and your families! Best,Jade KearneyCEO/Co-Founder, She Matters”

She Matters is a digital health platform designed to support postpartum Black mothers experiencing anxiety and depression through community, culturally relevant resources and culturally competent therapists. We also train mental health professionals as well as healthcare organizations on how to become better resources to Black moms.

https://docs.google.com/…/1FAIpQLSeM9xB4VLcX9Y…/viewform

Bio: Amanda Dodson Gremillion published her first book in 2012. She began revising it in 2019 and republished it as Just Buy Her A Dress and She’ll Be Fine. The story chronicles her experience with severe postpartum OCD, anxiety and depression. Amanda is a graduate of Auburn University, and now lives in Calera, Alabama, with her husband, Jay, their daughter, Aubrie, and their two dogs, Honey Girl and Cooper. She hopes to write more books in the future. Follow Amanda’s journey on Facebook,  or twitter at https://twitter.com/AmandaGremilli2 and order her book here.  Also, follow her on the Mighty here Amanda Dodson Gremillion | The Mighty Contributor or listen to her podcast here Just Buy Her A Dress and She’ll Be Fine • A podcast on Anchor . You can also find her on Instagram here Amanda Dodson Gremillion (@justbuyheradress) • Instagram photos and videos.

I Did Not Realize I Had Depression Once as a Child Until I Got it as an Adult

When I got severe postpartum depression after my daughter was born, I found myself analyzing my entire life wondering how I went from someone who was so happy most of the time, to someone who did not want to live anymore. I eventually came to realize that I had always had OCD and it caused Anxiety and I finally got help for it. I also finally realized that I had depression at one other point in my life and had not even realized it. When I was in middle school, we moved for the third and final time. I had just started 6th grade and was almost 12 years old. We had moved a couple of times before due to my stepdad being promoted. The first time we moved from where I was born in Alabama near Anniston to South Carolina. I was only 6 at the time and had just started school so the move was not devastating to me, and we did not have a lot of money before and now we would have more. I did miss some family though, so when we did get to move back to Alabama two years later I was actually excited about that move, and it meant even more money again, because we were still far from being well off. We would still be two hours away from where we before, closer to Huntsville, but that was better than how far we were now. 

We ended up living in this new place for almost four years and it ended up being my favorite place we ever lived. We moved right around by 8th birthday so I remember my family taking me to Chuckecheese because I did know anyone else yet. We lived in the country on three acres. My mom and stepdad still rented the brick house we lived in, and would not finally own their own home until our next final move. We got a new dog once we had been there about a year that my parents would end up having until she died of old age when I was 23, the year I got married. I will never forget the day we got her. My parents called us all into the living room and we thought we were in trouble, then my stepdad walks in with a little mixed weenie dog puppy from the pound we named Sissy. Sissy was a major part of my childhood and truly a member of the family. She was always following us kids around wanting to be involved in everything we did, and finding her way in to most pictures. I eventually made a best friend who was like a sister. We were always at each other’s houses. She loved my dog too and I loved her cats. We both took baton lessons at the same place outside of school. She got off the bus with us the day of the Blizzard of 1993 hit until her dad could come get her, and we got the closest to making a truly large snowman we ever had as Sissy was hopping through the snow nearby chasing rabbits.

When another move and possible promotion a couple hours away near Birmingham, AL came up not long after that, I was not happy about it this time. The dog even had a hard time with the move, because we went from the country to the suburbs and she went from 3 acres and wandering as she wished and coming back in the house whenever she wanted, to a fenced in back yard when she was not inside. My mom had to start taking her for walks in the morning, and she would often break free if we left a door open too long, but she always came back usually within about 3 hours or less. She also once learned how to jump their small fence until my stepdad found something to put at the top of it to stop her. The move was hard on my mom as well. Where we used to live she would get off at 4pm every day and went to the gym regularly with my stepdad. In the new place, with the same company, they often worked her to death and she would sometimes work until 9pm. Our allergies seemed to get worse and we all got sick more too, and I think it was partially due to living closer to a bigger more polluted city like Birmingham.

Right before we had moved I got a call I had made Silver Belles, which was the highest honor at my baton place. High school girls were in it and I was going to be in 6th grade! My mom had trouble finding a baton place like the old one I went to at first and I never got put back into it. By the time I could try out for majorette in high school, which they would not let you do until 10th grade here, I did not think I was good enough to even try to make it anymore. I think my sister had just made the dance team before we moved, so I know she went through her own similar troubles. My stepbrother was in college by this time, but our move to the country I loved so much, was the move I think was the hardest on him. He was in high school and went from a big city to a country high school, and just did not feel like he fit in, and he had to leave his long time girlfriend. 

I would eventually understand his pain. In this new school district, there were as many people in the high school for 9th to 12th grade as their had been at the entire K-12 school I went before. Yes, every grade was in one school so it was an adjustment to say the least, especially at a time I now realize is hard for most kids that age regardless of moving. My daughter is now 13 and in 8th grade and 6th grade was a rough year for her and most of her peers. Everyone is hormonal and mean and going through so many changes. I felt like there were already cliques here and we did not have those yet at my old school, or maybe we did but I had so many friends I had not noticed them until I had no friends at first. Even though I had always enjoyed school and did well in school, the first couple of years I cried a lot and I missed a lot of school due to migraine headaches. My mom had migraines before and knew how painful they were, so she did everything she could to try and help me. She would miss work, which I felt bad for, to take me to a headache clinic, I had an MRI done and was checked for jaw issues, etc. We never figured out the cause, but the headaches eventually stopped. I now realize it is because over the next two years I would eventually have a good group of friends and was very active playing drums in band and loved it. I also enjoyed high school even more and ended up meeting my future husband there. The fact he had to move here in 7th grade and leave his best friend was probably what bonded us the most. 

Back when we moved, we did not have Facebook and face time, etc., but now we do and I do keep in touch with my childhood best friend. She lives in D.C. now and I have met up with her time both times I visited. Instead of mourning how close we might have still been today had I not moved, I now realize I might not have my husband or daughter if we had not, and moving enabled us to have opportunities we never would have had otherwise and resulted in some generational curses being broken. I truly think I had depression back then now. It was not talked about as much back then so my parents nor I had any idea, but I feel like if the same thing happened to my daughter today, I would realize it and be better able to help her, and I think that means we have made a lot of progress in society, although we still have a ways to go of course.

Bio: Amanda Dodson Gremillion published her first book in 2012. She began revising it in 2019 and republished it as Just Buy Her A Dress and She’ll Be Fine. The story chronicles her experience with severe postpartum OCD, anxiety and depression. Amanda is a graduate of Auburn University, and now lives in Calera, Alabama, with her husband, Jay, their daughter, Aubrie, and their two dogs, Honey Girl and Cooper. She hopes to write more books in the future. Follow Amanda’s journey on Facebook,  or twitter at https://twitter.com/AmandaGremilli2 and order her book here.  Also, follow her on the Mighty here Amanda Dodson Gremillion | The Mighty Contributor or listen to her podcast here Just Buy Her A Dress and She’ll Be Fine • A podcast on Anchor . You can also find her on Instagram here Amanda Dodson Gremillion (@justbuyheradress) • Instagram photos and videos.

Getting Ready for Motherhood

Image Courtesy Pexels

This is a guest post written by Julia Merrill of befriendyourdoc.org:

The final weeks of pregnancy are full of conflicting emotions and emotional turmoil. Maybe you’re calling your mom every day for advice, or trying to spend a lot of time with your partner while it’s still just the two of you. You’re excited, you’re exhausted, you can’t wait for this pregnancy to be over. But you’re nervous too, unsure what to expect. The one certainty is that your life is going to be irrevocably altered.

You’re Going To Be Different:

As big a change as your body has gone through, your personality has changed as well. While you were growing a little person, you were growing into a mother, yourself. Your brain has changed, along with your center of gravity. You’re going to question assumptions you held before you had children. Your opinions may change, sometimes radically, once you’re a mother. Before I had kids, I rarely locked my door. I was trusting, and thankfully, no one ever took advantage of that. Once I had a child, it was as if my sense of danger turned on. Someone flipped a switch, and the world looked different, more random and dangerous, full of terrible drivers and rude people, and toxins and slippery surfaces and other things that can hurt your baby.

You’re Going to Get Powers:

Maternal instinct is real. When my first child was born, I questioned whether I had any at all. I loved my baby, but I didn’t feel warm and fuzzy and bonded when I breastfed him. I felt icky and uncomfortable and a little bit resentful of the tiny stranger at my breast. I questioned whether I was up to the challenge of being his mom. But I vividly remember the day that I got my answer. I was feeding my son little bits of chopped up sausages in his high chair. He began choking. Instantly, I whipped him out of the high chair, turned him upside down, swept the bits from his mouth, and he was fine. It wasn’t in the books, it wasn’t any way recommended to handle a choking child. But I did it instinctively, without thought, and it worked.

As I sat there shaking afterward, the adrenaline coursing through my body, it hit me like a tidal wave: I knew what to do. When called upon, I had what it took to keep my tiny human alive. It was humbling, and awe-inspiring to me.

When their children are in danger, mothers have lifted cars and successfully fought off wild animals to protect them. You might think you’re the most nonviolent person in the world, but once you’re a mother, you’re going to find that you do have it in you to hurt someone, if that someone is a threat to your child. There is no one more dangerous than a mother protecting her offspring. You’re going to grow eyes in the back of your head, and develop a sixth sense for when your kid is in trouble.

You’re Going To Be Tired:

Prepare to lose sleep for the rest of your life. Okay, I’m kidding, it’s more like for the first six months, and then again, for some months around the terrible twos. And then again, later when they start driving, until they’re around twenty-five. My own mother assures me I’ll start losing sleep again once mine have their own kids. The point is, kids make us worry, and they take a great deal of energy.

Take these last few weeks of pregnancy to nap as much as possible, and once the baby comes, sleep whenever he does. The housework will still be there when you both wake up. If you can afford it, consider hiring a cleaning service. If you have pets, consider a dog walking service. Take help when it’s offered, and ask for it when it’s needed. Give yourself time to rest, and when the baby is awake, play with the baby. No one ever lay on their deathbed wishing they’d done more housework. The moments with your baby go by so fast, and you’ll never get them back again. Spend as much time as you can together, making memories.

You Want to Take Care of the Details

With so much overwhelm in the final weeks, a lot of details will slip through the cracks. When the time comes to head to the hospital, you will feel a mix of exhilaration and terror. A lot will be going through your head, and the last thing you want to worry about is whether you’re wearing shoes or if you have a cord to power your phone. That’s why it’s always recommended that you put together a hospital bag in the weeks leading up your due date. Pack whatever you anticipate needing. Hair ties, a robe, a labor and delivery gown, socks, slippers, lip balm, moisturizer, device chargers, headphones, clothes for the baby. Any creature comforts you can think of. Then be sure to pack up copies of your driver’s license and your insurance card. Gather it all up, and put it in a bag that you can leave by the front door, right next to your comfy shoes. It might not feel like much, but having control here can almost feel like an accomplishment.

It goes without saying that your life is about to change. You’re going to have baby-proofed cabinets, corners, and light sockets. You’re going to wind up reading food labels and second-guessing all your decisions. That’s normal. But you’re embarking on the greatest adventure of your entire life. You’re getting ready to meet the most important person you’ll ever know, and you’re going to love them more than you ever thought was possible.

For regular insight into parenting, motherhood and more, check out Just Buy Her a Dress blog and podcast today!

Bio: Amanda Dodson Gremillion published her first book in 2012. She began revising it in 2019 and republished it as Just Buy Her A Dress and She’ll Be Fine. The story chronicles her experience with severe postpartum OCD, anxiety and depression. Amanda is a graduate of Auburn University, and now lives in Calera, Alabama, with her husband, Jay, their daughter, Aubrie, and their two dogs, Honey Girl and Cooper. She hopes to write more books in the future. Follow Amanda’s journey on Facebook,  or twitter at https://twitter.com/AmandaGremilli2 and order her book here.  Also, follow her on the Mighty here Amanda Dodson Gremillion | The Mighty Contributor or listen to her podcast here Just Buy Her A Dress and She’ll Be Fine • A podcast on Anchor . You can also find her on Instagram here Amanda Dodson Gremillion (@justbuyheradress) • Instagram photos and videos.

Happy as a Mother Website, Podcast and Workshops

I wanted to share a good source I have found for those looking to parent without the constant anger, and losing their cool and who want to enjoy parenting more. This one is aimed at mothers but currently, due to COVID, I think everything is online right now anyways through zoom, podcasts, etc. Even when in person they probably allow men, or could supply some other good resources for fathers as well I am sure.  Help for postpartum depression, anxiety and rage | Happy as a Mother

Bio: Amanda Dodson Gremillion published her first book in 2012. She began revising it in 2019 and republished it as Just Buy Her A Dress and She’ll Be Fine. The story chronicles her experience with severe postpartum OCD, anxiety and depression. Amanda is a graduate of Auburn University, and now lives in Calera, Alabama, with her husband, Jay, their daughter, Aubrie, and their two dogs, Honey Girl and Cooper. She hopes to write more books in the future. Follow Amanda’s journey on Facebook,  or twitter at https://twitter.com/AmandaGremilli2 and order her book here.  Also, follow her on the Mighty here Amanda Dodson Gremillion | The Mighty Contributor or listen to her podcast here Just Buy Her A Dress and She’ll Be Fine • A podcast on Anchor . You can also find her on Instagram here Amanda Dodson Gremillion (@justbuyheradress) • Instagram photos and videos.

Bottomless Momosa: Podcasts and Daily Affirmations!

I am currently looking into possibly creating my own daily affirmations you can sign up for, for moms and/or new moms with some advice, but also some humor thrown in at times, but in the mean time, here is another one I just discovered called Bottomless Momosa! She also has some great podcasts! Not sure if I am going to do podcasts in the future or not, no plans at this time, but I am hoping to eventually sell and/or give away planners, daily calendars and maybe even journals for moms.

@bottomless__momosa | Linktree

Bio: Amanda Dodson Gremillion published her first book in 2012. She began revising it in 2019 and republished it as Just Buy Her A Dress and She’ll Be Fine. The story chronicles her experience with severe postpartum OCD, anxiety and depression. Amanda is a graduate of Auburn University, and now lives in Calera, Alabama, with her husband, Jay, their daughter, Aubrie, and their two dogs, Honey Girl and Cooper. She hopes to write more books in the future. Follow Amanda’s journey on Facebook,  or twitter at https://twitter.com/AmandaGremilli2 and order her book here.  Also, follow her on the Mighty here Amanda Dodson Gremillion | The Mighty Contributor or listen to her podcast here Just Buy Her A Dress and She’ll Be Fine • A podcast on Anchor . You can also find her on Instagram here Amanda Dodson Gremillion (@justbuyheradress) • Instagram photos and videos.

Mental Health Books for Children!

I just wanted to share these links to a great site with mental health books for children to help reduce anxiety, help manage anger, etc….

Right Now – Complete Series ❤️ (puppydogsandicecream.com)

Right Now: Anti-Anxiety Bundle (3 Book) – Puppy Dogs & Ice Cream Inc. (puppydogsandicecream.com)

Sleep Like a Baby Bundle (3 Books) – Puppy Dogs & Ice Cream Inc. (puppydogsandicecream.com)

The Empathic Parent’s Guide to Raising a Highly Sensitive Child: Parenting Strategies I Learned to Understand and Nurture My Child’s Gift: Meighan, Freeda: 9798614031671: Amazon.com: Books

Bio: Amanda Dodson Gremillion published her first book in 2012. She began revising it in 2019 and republished it as Just Buy Her A Dress and She’ll Be Fine. The story chronicles her experience with severe postpartum OCD, anxiety and depression. Amanda is a graduate of Auburn University, and now lives in Calera, Alabama, with her husband, Jay, their daughter, Aubrie, and their two dogs, Honey Girl and Cooper. She hopes to write more books in the future. Follow Amanda’s journey on Facebook,  or twitter at https://twitter.com/AmandaGremilli2 and order her book here.  Also, follow her on the Mighty here Amanda Dodson Gremillion | The Mighty Contributor or listen to her podcast here Just Buy Her A Dress and She’ll Be Fine • A podcast on Anchor . You can also find her on Instagram here Amanda Dodson Gremillion (@justbuyheradress) • Instagram photos and videos.

Micromanaging and It’s Effect on Mental Health

I read an article the other day where a woman was seeking advice because she felt her husband did not do anything right when parenting their child. Here is a link if you want to read that first, which I strongly suggest:

https://slate.com/human-interest/2021/01/husband-is-incompetent-father-care-and-feeding.html

Twelve years ago I probably would have related more to her, but these days I related more to the advice columnist, who basically replied telling her she was micromanaging her husband and causing him to lose interest in parenting. Micromanaging your spouse can destroy a marriage and it can destroy that spouse’s relationship with their own child. I was not intentionally doing it of course. It was a symptom of my postpartum depression and my OCD becoming worse postpartum, but some people never overcome this and do it their entire life. I had a boss who micromanaged me and all my coworkers once, and it took a toll on our mental health and majorly affected our lives. It also changed a job I loved, and a company I was devoted to and would have retired with, to a company that disappointed me and broke my heart.

I was at a job I loved most days for years. I was my boss’s right hand man, I got raises and even thought about getting back into management again when my boss decided to leave and my daughter was older. Turns out my boss left, after over 20 years I might add, because she had a new boss who was micromanaging her. After she left, he replaced her with another micromanager, but did promote me and another person to assist them. I stayed for another year and a half. Most others have since either been fired, or eventually left like me. Even the ones who were star employees before were no longer good enough. The thing is though, we are all human and make mistakes daily. If any boss followed their best employee around all day and looked for mistakes, they will find them, as would their boss in them. Once this is done though, it can affect your confidence and of course make you nervous. The next thing you know, you go from making the every day common mistakes everyone makes sometimes because you are human, to making more and more and bigger mistakes because you are a nervous wreck. The micromanager then uses this against you to make you look like you were always this bad, the old boss just was not managing correctly.

Before we knew it, they had HR and upper management believing we were all the problem and not them. No one else would speak up with me, in fear of losing their job. This is how worthless we all felt by this point, that the company would get rid of an entire department, even people who had been great employees for years and would have retired with the company, before they got rid of this person. I on the other hand, could no longer take the toll on my mental health or take the injustice. I got another job, worked out a notice and left on good terms. A party was thrown for me, people gave me gifts and money and food. It felt crazy I was even leaving, or felt I had to. I told them everything I thought, as professionally as I could in an exit interview. I even told them I did not want the person fired, they were good at the other parts of their job, just not at supervising people. I also told them that one coworker I knew, who had never even had Anxiety or panic attacks before, had two caused by this boss, and I, as someone on medication for OCD and the Anxiety it causes, had no longer suffered attacks in a long time since being put on medication, but started having them again.

I loved this job before, and most of the people there loved me and had the same opinion of this boss as I did. I even reflected for that year and half trying to determine if there was anything I could do to change or make the situation better, until I realized it was not me. Everyone saw this at the time, except those that had the power to stop it. By the time they finally did, people’s lives, careers and mental health were already hurt. I had told them most of it before, they just did not listen because they wanted hard evidence, and I was not sitting around documenting everything instead of doing my job like that boss was. Some others were, but it did them no good either. As a former HR director myself, it was hard to lose confidence in HR. I tell this story as much as I can because I have been shocked at the people who have been through the same.

I was told that after I left, my old boss’s boss quit before they were fired or laid off, but my old boss is still there. They are no longer a supervisor though, because once even all the people they hired had the same experience as us, they finally believed us, once most of us were all gone and once our mental health, careers and lives were already majorly affected. Some other good people in the company were laid off after I left , so maybe I got out at the right time. The company was not as good as I thought and disappointed me. Luckily most of my bosses have been great, although I did Nanny for a couple for a short time who micromanaged their kids this way, so I felt kind of micromanaged as well, or required to micromanage them myself one, and both made me uncomfortable. I have also had coworkers at times, some even Leads or ahead of you seniority wise, maybe even training you, who micromanage, and that is hard as well. They see you struggling with something and do not jump in to help unless you ask, and sometimes even then, do not. However, they see you make a minor mistake and call it out from across the room. They never make any, and even have time to check everything you are doing while they do everything perfectly.

In so many of these cases, these people do have the best of intentions. They think they are helping, they are perfectionists. Because of this perfectionism, they are also often very good at certain parts of their job. However, this leads to them being very critical of anyone who even does it the least bit different, even if or when their way might be better, or when it might be okay for someone else to do the same thing differently. I say all of this as someone who has battled perfectionism my entire life, but I do not want to be them, but I also do not expect to change them. That is part of overcoming my own perfectionism. I cannot change them. I can only change me, my reaction, or my situation, as hard as that is sometimes, So I write this, not hoping to change them or those like them, but more so for people that are affected by them, like me, so they know they are not alone, but also for the ones that may find they are like that, as I once was, and do want to change. I also write this for those around who can change things for the person being micromanaged, like the ones who did not believe us all, and the ones who would not stand up with me and risk a job they eventually lost anyways.

As someone who has been a lead and manager, if you see someone struggling, a coworker or someone who works for you, or someone you work for, or your spouse, or your child, help them without them even having to ask, or if you do not see them and they ask, try to help them. Lead by example, by practicing, not preaching, and give them a little room in error. I work in childcare now, so of course if I saw a situation where I truly believed a child was in true danger, I would speak up to someone about what they were doing, whether it was intentional or not. However, I have often found these people often seem more concerned about things that are not life or death, while ignoring others that are or could be. Also, like with kids, when parents get onto you for everything, you eventually drown them out, or just do not care anymore because you seem darned if you do, or darned if you don’t, as is often said. For instance, with that old boss, if you did not take initiative you should have, but if you did take it you should have asked permission first. Life is not a Disney movie. Sometimes the bad guy just seems to win in real life, and it just hurts. I am almost 40, and tired, and I am ready for it just once to easily work out for me, as it seems to for them, but while actually doing the right thing. I guess I just wanted any of you reading this and feeling the same, to know you are not alone.

Bio: Amanda Dodson Gremillion published her first book in 2012. She began revising it in 2019 and republished it as Just Buy Her A Dress and She’ll Be Fine. The story chronicles her experience with severe postpartum OCD, anxiety and depression. Amanda is a graduate of Auburn University, and now lives in Calera, Alabama, with her husband, Jay, their daughter, Aubrie, and their two dogs, Honey Girl and Cooper. She hopes to write more books in the future. Follow Amanda’s journey on Facebook,  or twitter at https://twitter.com/AmandaGremilli2 and order her book here.  Also, follow her on the Mighty here Amanda Dodson Gremillion | The Mighty Contributor or listen to her podcast here Just Buy Her A Dress and She’ll Be Fine • A podcast on Anchor . You can also find her on Instagram here Amanda Dodson Gremillion (@justbuyheradress) • Instagram photos and videos.

I Had to Become More Selfish to Become a Better Parent

I know this title is already sounding crazy to some of you, but before I had a child, most people would not consider me a selfish person. I have always loved doing things for other people and getting gifts for others. I know I still had my selfish moments like anyone else, but overall I considered myself a pretty selfless person. I thought being a parent was all about being selfless and sacrificing everything for your kids. I eventually learned though, like they teach you on airplanes, if you don’t put your oxygen mask on first and then try to put your kids’ on, you may not get the chance to put your kids’ on. You may not physically be able to. When my daughter was first born, I was not getting sufficient sleep, I was not doing many things I enjoyed. I was revolving around my entire world around her. Then, I felt guilty for not always enjoying that. Eventually I learned that while parenting, like marriage and other relationships does require some sacrifice and compromise, it is also important to be a little selfish.

Also, it is not selfish to take basic care of yourself. It is not selfish to try and get the amount of sleep required for a normal person to function, or to take proper care of your body, or to shower, but mothers often feel selfish and guilty for even these things. If you throw in stuff like getting a massage, or buying yourself clothes you need instead of just clothes for the baby, then the guilty really sets in, but these are not truly selfish either. Now, if you get yourself clothes and everything your heart desires while your children do without, sure I personally think that is selfish, and not the kind of selfish I am talking about becoming. I am also not talking about doing anything you want just like before you had children when it comes to smoking, drinking, going out, etc. but it also okay to do these things some if you desire, and your children are still well cared for.

Maybe if you were a selfish person before kids, you do need to become more selfless, but for me, I had to learn to take care better care of myself in order to be the main caregiver for someone else. This also eventually helped me set boundaries in other relationships I probably should have set a long time ago. Some relationships ended, but the ones that remained, and new ones that formed were way better than the ones I lost. I feel like I eventually not only became a better mother but a better wife, a better person, etc. In some ways, I did become more selfless. It was easier to be selfless when I was not responsible for another life. These days I am also responsible for two dogs. When I do something, including being a mom, and even a dog mom, I want to be great at it and do my best, but sometimes that causes me to neglect taking care of myself, and this actually results in me not doing doing my best, and not from lack of trying.

When I had a child, I knew I would not sleep as much as I wanted anymore, but I never imagined being so sleep deprived I could hardly function. I knew after having a child I could not do anything I wanted anytime I wanted, but I had no idea how hard it would be to have friends over to do anything with friends, or that trips to restaurants for years now would include either changing diapers, feeding your child, or taking a potty training child to the restroom every five minutes just in case they really do have to actually go this time. I knew it would not be just me and my spouse all the time anymore, but I did not realize it would feel like it was never me and my spouse anymore, and when it was we were too tired to function, or felt like we did not even know each other anymore.

Before you become a parent, not only is it not taught to us as mothers to take care of ourselves first, but often the opposite is taught, and others often pride themselves on and compete over who is the most neglectful of themselves for the sake of their children. If you are a servant type person, as I am to a point, and as my mother is to an extreme, it is okay to enjoy serving your kids and others, but it is still okay to take care of yourself too. I truly believe taking good care of yourself mentally and physically is part of being a good mother, and often times the hardest part. Once you figure out how to though, it can make you a better wife, a better person, a better employee, a better everything, and a good example to your child, because you want them to take good care of themselves too, even once they become parents.

Bio: Amanda Dodson Gremillion published her first book in 2012. She began revising it in 2019 and republished it as Just Buy Her A Dress and She’ll Be Fine. The story chronicles her experience with severe postpartum OCD, anxiety and depression. Amanda is a graduate of Auburn University, and now lives in Calera, Alabama, with her husband, Jay, their daughter, Aubrie, and their two dogs, Honey Girl and Cooper. She hopes to write more books in the future. Follow Amanda’s journey on Facebook,  or twitter at https://twitter.com/AmandaGremilli2 and order her book here.  Also, follow her on the Mighty here Amanda Dodson Gremillion | The Mighty Contributor or listen to her podcast here Just Buy Her A Dress and She’ll Be Fine • A podcast on Anchor . You can also find her on Instagram here Amanda Dodson Gremillion (@justbuyheradress) • Instagram photos and videos.