I Got Put In Facebook Jail for Hate Speech

Those of you who know me well personally are already curious about this title, like how in the world? Those who don’t are probably wondering why I would title a blog this, like I am proud of it or something. Those of you who only follow me through Facebook and not my website, Twitter, or the Mighty, will not see this post until tomorrow once I am out of Facebook jail. Well, let me start by sharing the post that got me in trouble word for word,

“So we all go the stomach bug and all of us were starting to feel better, but Jay decided because he was feeling better it would be a good idea to make and eat some chili cheese dip. Aubrie and I stuck with crackers and chicken noodle soup. Jay is now sick again. Men are dumb sometimes 🤣

This was my second offense in year. The first time was a comment I made on a news story I believe, in response to a white man’s actual hate speech, where I reminded him that most mass shooters are white men, which I thought was simply a fact, not hate speech. I cannot post or comment for 24 hours on Facebook. This has never happened to me before, but has happened to my friends before and they all jokingly call it being put in Facebook jail. I of course disagreed with the decision and they affirmed it yet again, so I appealed. I did not appeal because it is so important to post this. I did not appeal because I think I have unlimited free speech on Facebook, because honestly, they are a business and they can kick me off permanently for whatever they want, just like I can stop using it whenever I want. I love being able to keep up with friends and family on there and promote my book, but at some point, like my husband, I may call it quits. I appealed because Facebook has a lot of influence and power, and the fact that they are spending time stopping women from joking about their husbands, instead of stopping actual hate speech, is well, infuriating. Actually, the new rule that applied to my most recent post took affect after the Capitol riot. I guess after years of allowing people to post actual hate speech, constant divisive posts with misinformation, many which led to that riot and the current division in our country, led us to this nonsense. Maybe they are now trying to go the other extreme to make up for it, or they were wasting time on this nonsense instead all along one.

I often see my conservative friends and family complain about being the only ones censored, but I know just as many, if not more liberals, libertarians and everything in between censored for ridiculous things. I live in Alabama and am not a big fan of Trump, and I cannot tell you how many times I have been called a “brainwashed Libtard” for that reason alone, or for even just ever simply disagreeing with him or one of his followers on well, anything, without it ever being taken down by Facebook, and I put it in quotes because I would never use this word personally, because it is still as offensive as the R word we are no longer supposed to use, and not to Liberals. Luckily, most people in Alabama, or in the South in general, do not act like their online persona or as their votes might suggest, in the same way they often make wrong assumptions about people who vote differently than they do. If you have ever watched any show or movie where some big city person starts to see the appeals of a small town, you know what I mean. That is somewhat realistic. It is one of the reasons I stay, in addition to low cost of living, good weather overall and of course roots planted and friends and family. I also stay for now in hopes of continuing to change it for the better, and the same goes for Facebook.

So what have you been put in Facebook jail for? Please comment below….

Bio: Amanda Dodson Gremillion published her first book in 2012. She began revising it in 2019 and republished it as Just Buy Her A Dress and She’ll Be Fine. The story chronicles her experience with severe postpartum OCD, anxiety and depression. Amanda is a graduate of Auburn University, and now lives in Calera, Alabama, with her husband, Jay, their daughter, Aubrie, and their two dogs, Honey Girl and Cooper. She hopes to write more books in the future. Follow Amanda’s journey on Facebook,  or twitter at https://twitter.com/AmandaGremilli2 and order her book here.  Also, follow her on the Mighty here Amanda Dodson Gremillion | The Mighty Contributor or listen to her podcast here Just Buy Her A Dress and She’ll Be Fine • A podcast on Anchor . You can also find her on Instagram here Amanda Dodson Gremillion (@justbuyheradress) • Instagram photos and videos.

Losing My Religion

I was talking to my mom catching up the other day and she told me she almost had to go the emergency room because she was in pain. Of course, I asked what did she do and is she okay now. The answer was that she just laid in pain and prayed, and she is still not really okay. If I have ever wondered why I have done the same thing in the past, I did not wonder in that moment, nor did I in previous moments with her like it. I once again reminded her of the story of the Drowning Man. Whether you are religious or not, I think the story has a great point, and my mom also just happens to be religious.

If you have not heard this story before, the shorter version is a man is trapped on a roof during a flood and the water is rising. He fears he will drown and prays for God to rescue him. A man in a rowboat attempts to help him, then a man in a motorboat attempts to help him, and a man in a helicopter tries to help him. Each time, he tells them that is he is waiting for God to save him. The man eventually drowns, goes to Heaven, and asked God why he did not save him when he had so much faith. God then tells him he sent a rowboat, a motorboat and a helicopter. What more did he want?

Before I went through postpartum depression so bad I did not want to live anymore, I once had so much faith, I was not even scared to die. I knew I would go straight to Heaven. I spoke to God all the time, every day. When prayer did not work during my depression, I first doubted my faith, but I knew I had a lot of faith, so why was it not working? So then I cursed God, then I doubted God’s existence. None of this made me better. What finally made me better was finally seeking and accepting help. Going to church again and having an amazing supportive Sunday school class did help as well, but so did medicine, therapy and so many other things. Even at the times I have had the most faith, I still believed in free will. I still believed God made people who became doctors and who made medicine, etc. So what was I expecting? To magically feel better in a second? For God to magically come down from the clouds and save me? You don’t ever see that on the news, but I guess I thought that was what was going to happen, kind of like the drowning man.

When you are in a lot of pain, and especially when you no longer have much will to live, you don’t have much will to do anything else either, including seeking or accepting help, but that is the only way to get better. It is not easy, you want someone to save you and to do it for you, and people can try to help, but you must accept the help. Now I do not wait until I am in major pain to take pain reliever, or to get get a massage, or to go to the doctor. I have tried so many things I would have been uncomfortable with before for my OCD, for my anxiety and for some back pain, including medication, therapy, acupuncture, cupping, and next week I am trying raindrop therapy. I will now try almost anything at least once.

As for my religious beliefs these days, I do not talk about religion a lot on here because for one, people of all beliefs get depressed, and as I have mentioned before, at times I have had more faith than anyone I know, and at other times I have not been sure if I believe, or what I believe. In all honesty, even at my highest times of faith, I have thought of religion as something much more private and personal than it is normally treated. Not that I think you should be ashamed of your religion or have to hide it. However, when Jesus saved the man on the cross next to him, he never did so until the man asked him to. He never tried before that, or forced it on him. I also took that Bible verse about praying in private instead of public, for show, seriously.

There were a couple of people I truly thought when I was younger were so much like Jesus. Sure, in some ways they were, minus one also turned out to be a racist, and the other’s main motivation to be good was their fear of Hell. I have always had questions and I was never okay with not being able to seek the answers to them, even if that led to questioning my faith at times, because in the words of Richard Feynman, “I would rather have questions that can’t be answered, than answers that can’t be questioned.”

Bio: Amanda Dodson Gremillion published her first book in 2012. She began revising it in 2019 and republished it as Just Buy Her A Dress and She’ll Be Fine. The story chronicles her experience with severe postpartum OCD, anxiety and depression. Amanda is a graduate of Auburn University, and now lives in Calera, Alabama, with her husband, Jay, their daughter, Aubrie, and their two dogs, Honey Girl and Cooper. She hopes to write more books in the future. Follow Amanda’s journey on Facebook,  or twitter at https://twitter.com/AmandaGremilli2 and order her book here.  Also, follow her on the Mighty here Amanda Dodson Gremillion | The Mighty Contributor or listen to her podcast here Just Buy Her A Dress and She’ll Be Fine • A podcast on Anchor . You can also find her on Instagram here Amanda Dodson Gremillion (@justbuyheradress) • Instagram photos and videos.

Stop Arguing With People Who Are Not Listening, For the Sake of Your Mental Health

So I was getting a massage the other day. Massages are something I have learned are important for me to splurge on. I still probably spend as much or more in a week eating out, than I do in a month on them, which is how I put it in perspective if I ever feel guilted for spending the money. If I ever feel like my husband is guilting me for spending too much on them, I just buy him one and he is back on board with it. During my last massage, I kept thinking about all the things I let get me this tense and why I let them (yes, during my massage, this is why I am always tense even on OCD/anxiety medicine). As I left my massage, my massage therapist joked, “Don’t undo what I just did!” It was just a joke, but it was like she read what was already on my mind, and it stuck with me. This time I was really going to try not to, because lately I had not been doing the best job of that.

Obviously, I only have so much control over my tension and stress, especially due to my OCD and Anxiety, and I know I am not alone in that. My medication helps some, but certain other things help as well that help most people, like not arguing with people who are committed to misunderstanding you. A lot of us only have so much control over it. With the political climate lately, I often get sucked into discussing politics on social media, like I must do so at times to change the world or something. I think I sometimes feel this way for a moment, because civil discussions and posts online over the years have helped reshape some of my beliefs personally, combined with life experience of course, but I have always tried to have an open mind, and I always try to be kind and civil when discussing such things. However, some people are not capable of this and they will be ugly to you for simply disagreeing, or unfriend or block you online and maybe even in person at times. I have never unfriended someone over politics and love having friends with different beliefs, however I have unfriended them over the way they treat other people, including when politics are discussed.

I have friends and family members who post and talk in person so much about politics that you worry about their mental health, but the minute you disagree with them on even one thing, they will say you are the one brainwashed. For me personally, it is just not worth it anymore to even say anything. I no longer feel I am doing anything wrong, and like the world will not be saved by me speaking up when the person I am speaking up to is not truly listening anyways. I will change the world by voting, I will change the world by the way I live, by the child I raise and the work I do and by putting all of me into it, not these discussions which often negatively affect my mental health, since I internalize everything or often take it personally. I am not discouraging discussing politics. I do not believe in that old rule about never discussing it or religion, but I do now believe in not discussing them with certain people.

This does not just apply to politics and religion, but anything. Have you ever worked somewhere where you expressed concerns you really thought management would care about, things they act like they care about for perception purposes, only to have your heart a little broken when they really do not care and do nothing about it, sometimes even still acting like they do while taking no action? What do people normally do in response to this? Well, for one, they often change jobs, but they also often quit telling management, even when they have a a new job or new management and they do care. This often happens in personal relationships as well, and in marriages, but it can also happen with just small every day things so much, it takes it’s toll that way as well.

I also often have people ask me how to help someone else going through what I did. The truth is, they have to want help and accept it so if you have tried, and they are not listening, do not put your mental health on the line for theirs if they are not ready. This is true with anything, but I will continue to share my story so others know they are not alone, should not be ashamed, and so they will hopefully get help and the stigma will end, but there are people I know personally I still cannot help with the same or similar issues, and not from desire to or lack of trying. They just weren’t listening, or sometimes they are, but it takes a while to sink in and you just have to sit back, give it time and take care of your own mental health in the mean time.

Bio: Amanda Dodson Gremillion published her first book in 2012. She began revising it in 2019 and republished it as Just Buy Her A Dress and She’ll Be Fine. The story chronicles her experience with severe postpartum OCD, anxiety and depression. Amanda is a graduate of Auburn University, and now lives in Calera, Alabama, with her husband, Jay, their daughter, Aubrie, and their two dogs, Honey Girl and Cooper. She hopes to write more books in the future. Follow Amanda’s journey on Facebook,  or twitter at https://twitter.com/AmandaGremilli2 and order her book here.  Also, follow her on the Mighty here Amanda Dodson Gremillion | The Mighty Contributor or listen to her podcast here Just Buy Her A Dress and She’ll Be Fine • A podcast on Anchor . You can also find her on Instagram here Amanda Dodson Gremillion (@justbuyheradress) • Instagram photos and videos.

Mothers Need Sleep and the Homeless Need Homes

In a postpartum support group I am a part of, mothers often post desperate for solutions to their baby not sleeping. Many are on medication and/or in counseling or trying other things to recover from postpartum mood disorders, but medication and therapy do not solve sleep deprivation. Many others will offer endless advice on how to get your baby to sleep through the night and if you try any and they work, that is awesome. I was one of those desperate mothers years ago who tried everything and my child just would not sleep. Now she is 12 and I can hardly get out of bed before lunch sometimes. I now work in a daycare and there is almost at least one child in every class that will not nap no matter what you do. At work, I feel like a baby whisperer sometimes as I get 5 one-year olds to nap, and sometimes for 2 to 2 and half hours. I could not even do this with my one child at that age. Before she was born, I usually slept through the night. Meanwhile, some people, like my mom and husband, can often function on little sleep.

I dealt with serious sleep deprivation for years and I am sure it contributed partially to my OCD, anxiety and depression getting so bad. So to mothers who are asking, what do I do? Especially in the midst of a pandemic right now? Many say they have no help, but you have to find a way to get sleep. Whether it is allowing your baby to safely play in their crib or a bassinet or pack in play next to you or in their own room while you sleep, even if they do not sleep, whether it trying to form at least one good friendship with a neighbor, even if you have no family in town, to have someone who can occasionally help you or watch your child while you rest; whether it is paying someone if you can afford it or seeking free help if you do not. On a show I watch, I remember the adults on their street used to take turns every weekday taking care of all the kids on their street, so one person would have all the kids one day a week, which seems genius to me and costs nothing.

Even during the pandemic, the daycare I was work for is open and safe. I actually caught COVID-19 before working there from my husband’s work. He is a restaurant manager and I have not gotten sick at all since working at the daycare. We clean way more than most of us do at home and we wear masks, etc. Before the daycare, I did keep two kids in their home for a family who was working and none of us got sick. If you have a partner, whether you stay at home or work or both work, it does not matter. Neither of you can work 24-7, take shifts, give each other breaks.

If you still say there is no way, you have no help or partner, or you breastfeed and have to be the one to feed the baby, do not give up, try to figure out a way whether it involves pumping or other solutions. I personally chose not to breastfeed for my mental health. My daughter is super smart and healthy. I am not trying to discourage breastfeeding at all, but your mental health is more important for you and your baby in my opinion, so whatever reason, do not give up on finding a solution. Sleep is so important, and taking care of yourself so you can take care of the baby is so important. Move closer to family if you have to, take drastic measures if needed. If you live close to me, I would love to keep your child while you nap or even get a full night’s sleep for free, I am a mother and take care of children for a living and have offered and no one has ever taken me up on it.

People often attempt to resolve the homelessness problem by giving the homeless food, giving them temporary shelter, trying to help them get off drugs or alcohol or forcing them to in return for shelter, or assisting them in getting a job, donating them supplies, and sometimes they actually give them a home. Luckily, that last one, the only one that actually makes them no longer homeless, is becoming more common. People often do not like this option because they do not get a home for free so why should anyone else? So instead, we spend more tax dollars on emergency services used due to these people living on the street then we would just building them a place to live.

Many of these people are veterans, people who were willing to sacrifice their life, but instead sacrificed their mental health for the rest of us. Some are just people who have just fallen on hard times temporarily and need a little help, but many have some mental health issues or addictions to drug or alcohol that cannot be quickly or easily resolved. In the mean time they need a home. Mothers getting sleep with young children cannot be quickly or easily resolved, but they need sleep in that waiting time until their kids sleep past lunch when they are older. Many mothers are sacrificing their sleep and mental health for their families. Can we just start homing the homeless and allowing mothers to sleep somehow instead of wasting more money and time doing things that do not resolve either issue?

Bio: Amanda Dodson Gremillion published her first book in 2012. She began revising it in 2019 and republished it as Just Buy Her A Dress and She’ll Be Fine. The story chronicles her experience with severe postpartum OCD, anxiety and depression. Amanda is a graduate of Auburn University, and now lives in Calera, Alabama, with her husband, Jay, their daughter, Aubrie, and their two dogs, Honey Girl and Cooper. She hopes to write more books in the future. Follow Amanda’s journey on Facebook,  or twitter at https://twitter.com/AmandaGremilli2 and order her book here.  Also, follow her on the Mighty here Amanda Dodson Gremillion | The Mighty Contributor or listen to her podcast here Just Buy Her A Dress and She’ll Be Fine • A podcast on Anchor . You can also find her on Instagram here Amanda Dodson Gremillion (@justbuyheradress) • Instagram photos and videos.

Together We Could Build a Tower to Heaven

The other day, a family member and I got into a religious discussion. She brought up the Bible story about people speaking different languages as punishment from God to stop them from building a tower to Heaven. My family member took this story and all of the Bible literally. She thinks this is why we speak different languages. Now I will admit, there are times in my life I have been very religious and other times I have questioned my faith, but even in the times of deepest faith, I explained to her that I looked at this story completely different. I have never taken the Bible literally. Like my Christian uncle, who was a science teacher, I have seen too much evidence the Earth is billions of years old, not thousands. I think we speak different languages, because they are made up and people in different areas made up different ones. I took this story as more of a lesson, that if we did not let our differences keep us apart, like speaking differently and looking different, we could do amazing things, like build a tower to Heaven.

My family member found this interesting and said she would have to think on this more. She explained her grandparents did not have more than 8th grade education, so she was just raised completely different from me and I almost felt a first time acknowledgment from her that maybe they were not right about everything. This got me thinking, that how people interpret this story and others drastically affects our way of life. I have heard people use these kinds of stories to justify racism when I feel they are actually meant to encourage unity instead. Whether you believe it is truly the Word of God, or stories written by men many years ago, I still feel it is a lesson of unity, not division.

I was one of the first people in my family to go to college, so I think a lot of my family do think I was indoctrinated in college. Education is not indoctrination. When I went to college, I did not have professors trying to force their beliefs on me. I had professors and fellow students who had different beliefs and ways of life I saw for myself. The only people I came across in college who were trying to force their beliefs on me, were far right people who stood on the campus screaming at you that you were going to Hell if you did not believe the same as them. Even at my most religious points in life, I feel even Jesus did not try to save the man on the cross next to him until the man asked him to.

I had a professor in college whose parents had an arranged marriage. I always looked at arranged marriage in a horrible judgmental way. This is how it was always presented to me growing up. However, he would speak of his parents and talked about how they truly learned to love each other, and had a better marriage than many people who chose their partner. My professor was not in an arranged marriage and he was not trying to talk us into arranged marriages. I am not in one and do not plan on arranging one for my daughter, he was simply sharing something true and giving us a different perspective. I do not know who the man voted for, what his political beliefs were, although I have my guesses with most college professors. Also, what he spoke about related to what we were learning about in class.

My daughter is 12 and I already feel like I will learn way more from her than she will ever learn from me. I have worked in Senior Living, I have a deep respect for the elderly, and of course I still think the older you get the more experience you have and you have so much knowledge to share. However, the younger have knowledge to share as well. They have different experiences, they are often more open to a different and new way of looking at things. We should all learn from each other more regardless of age, language, political or religious beliefs, where we are from, etc. Together we can do anything, even build a tower to Heaven.

Bio: Amanda Dodson Gremillion published her first book in 2012. She began revising it in 2019 and republished it as Just Buy Her A Dress and She’ll Be Fine. The story chronicles her experience with severe postpartum OCD, anxiety and depression. Amanda is a graduate of Auburn University, and now lives in Calera, Alabama, with her husband, Jay, their daughter, Aubrie, and their two dogs, Honey Girl and Cooper. She hopes to write more books in the future. Follow Amanda’s journey on Facebook,  or twitter at https://twitter.com/AmandaGremilli2 and order her book here.  Also, follow her on the Mighty here Amanda Dodson Gremillion | The Mighty Contributor or listen to her podcast here Just Buy Her A Dress and She’ll Be Fine • A podcast on Anchor . You can also find her on Instagram here Amanda Dodson Gremillion (@justbuyheradress) • Instagram photos and videos.

Stop Shaming Michelle Obama for Having Depression

Here I go again talking about politics, but it seems to be impossible not to today. People with every political and religious belief experience mental illness. People of every income level do as well, so I was saddened to see a far right Black GOP member and veteran shaming Michelle Obama for having depression. He basically implied since she was so rich she should not be depressed, and called her privileged. If I were her and I read his tweet and the cruel comments on it, I personally might become depressed from that alone. This woman is constantly called horrible things and people think it is okay because they do not agree with her politically. They also think it is okay because she is famous. People sign up to be treated like this, right? So it is okay? Most of these people call themselves Christians.

Not that you need environmental reasons to be mentally ill. I remember when everything was going great in my life, but I still experienced major anxiety and had to get back on medication. My doctor said I need it like a diabetic needs insulin. This GOP tweet guy and everyone who supported his tweet apparently think Robin Williams’s money should have saved him. It upsets me as someone who thought praying hard enough, or having enough faith, or trying to be positive would get me out of depression. Money does not cure it either. We all know how many rich people are depressed or deal with mental illness.

Even if you are not a fan of Michelle Obama, if you want to shame her because you think she talks about inequality while getting rich off politics, that is one thing, but to say she is privileged because she shared she feels depressed? Also, she is sharing it with others, which I think is important, so that they know they are not alone. Famous people are often shamed for this, because of course they do not know the struggles of every day life or of the poor or middle class, etc. but despite that they are telling us they also struggle with mental illness, and are trying to break the stigma and yet you have people like this openly criticizing her for it and being supported, because politics.

Politics makes everything okay. It makes it okay to personally insult and offend your own family and friends or to end relationships with them even in some cases. Apparently you can judge people’s character and their destination in the afterlife by it, even though I personally know some great Republicans and Democrats, and I also know some horrible Republicans and Democrats, and I thought that kind of judging actually went against their beliefs too? I grew up in the deep south so abortion is the main argument against Democrats used to treat them as pure evil. As I grew older though, I realized abortions happen whether they are illegal or not, but when criminalized, rich women still get them while poor and middle class women die trying. Women who have stillbirths and miscarriages become suspects and their lives are sometimes put in danger. It seems to me that other things Republicans often fight against, like better sex education and birth control access, and supporting those who choose not to abort seem to work a whole lot better in reducing abortions, as well as making adoption easier.

I am not trying to sway anyone’s political beliefs here, just trying to explain that we do not all know the specific reasons we all feel the way that we do, and that does matter. I also still vote Republican or Independent or otherwise sometimes, especially in local races, but I vote Democrat as well a lot now too. Being blindly loyal to any person or party actually scares me. I have been shamed for it, I have been unfriended and blocked for it-not for being ugly, just for simply agreeing with Democrats on a lot of things, that is it, although I never return the favor. I remember being scared to tell my family and some friends. I remember being scared to go up and say which party in the primaries, in a small Alabama church with mainly elderly people running the polls.

I remember when there was a runoff election and my stepdad asked if I had voted in it. I told him I couldn’t. He then realized it was because I had voted Democrat. I did not get the reaction I feared, I got the reaction I dreamed of. He told me he voted Democrat when he was younger too. He was just glad I voted and that I had to vote my conscience. I know he still was not happy about it and hopes I change my mind one day like he did. I know he tells my mom that is not the daughter he raised, like he does not realize I was born with a bleeding heart, or like he does not remember me constantly not accepting him saying “life is not fair” as a little girl, and saying it should be, but I was honestly just happy to not be disowned.

He also once got upset when I was a child, because I was throwing some food away I did not eat. He said there were starving kids elsewhere. He did not always have a lot to eat as a child, but I argued with him that unless I was mailing this leftover food to a starving child then what good did it do them for me to eat it when I did not need to? If anything it felt kind of greedy? My mom and stepdad will usually tell you I was the easy child that always minded, but that is not completely true, as you can tell from those childhood memories, but I did always at least try to be respectful when I disagreed and I think that can sometimes make all the difference.

Bio: Amanda Dodson Gremillion published her first book in 2012. She began revising it in 2019 and republished it as Just Buy Her A Dress and She’ll Be Fine. The story chronicles her experience with severe postpartum OCD, anxiety and depression. Amanda is a graduate of Auburn University, and now lives in Calera, Alabama, with her husband, Jay, their daughter, Aubrie, and their two dogs, Honey Girl and Cooper. She hopes to write more books in the future. Follow Amanda’s journey on Facebook,  or twitter at https://twitter.com/AmandaGremilli2 and order her book here.  Also, follow her on the Mighty here Amanda Dodson Gremillion | The Mighty Contributor or listen to her podcast here Just Buy Her A Dress and She’ll Be Fine • A podcast on Anchor . You can also find her on Instagram here Amanda Dodson Gremillion (@justbuyheradress) • Instagram photos and videos.

Why Splitting the Country in Half Will Not Solve Anything

I am breaking my usual rule of trying not to talk about politics unless it relates to mental illness, but lately it seems it always relate to everything, including mental illness. I still always strive to try and discuss it in a way that is inclusive of all beliefs because people with all beliefs suffer from mental illness. Some people keep joking (or maybe not joking) that we are on the brink of another Civil War, or that maybe it never really ended. Are we still fighting it? What would have happened if the South had won?

My guess, it just like now we would still be fighting. Why? Even if the South and North had split up, the people in the South would have continued to have children. Thanks to free will, some of those children would have eventually rebelled against their parents. Some would have been opposed to slavery, some would actually side with those traitor Northerners against their own parents. How do I know this? Because my parents are Trump fans and I am more of a Bernie fan. Despite that though, I am very close to my parents, but imagine we had to live separate parts of the country based on our beliefs? Are we allowed to visit at least? What if our beliefs change, because they sometimes do, do we move again? Is there a middle section for people who do not prefer the other two sections or many split up sections in the middle?

Meanwhile in the North, as the continue to have children as well, some of those children kind of want to move to the South with those traitors, rather than with their own parents they do not agree with. While for a second, the idea of splitting us into two different sections based on opposite policy and see where both end up years from now may seem like a good one, in reality I feel it would not work. Not only for the reasons already listed, but I think the results would be different than many think. I do not think one side would thrive while the other sinks. I think even if you took children being born or people changing their mind or people in the middle, out of the equation and just assume everyone is either far right or far left and they never change their mind, I feel like we might end up with two extremes that are both a total disaster.

To some it may seem great for a second to think of always being surrounded by people who agree with you or who are just like you, but we all know that would truly not be ideal, and would actually probably be a little creepy, like in the movie Pleasantville. Some people also say if you do not like our country to leave it, even though these are usually the same people who say that people who come to our country for that very reason, should go back to their own country and fix it. I also did not see any of them packing bags when they did not like how things were going in the country.

I know some think the show South Park is terribly offensive. I did when I was younger and well, it still is, but it is also funny and makes some good points sometimes. I will never forget an episode on this subject, and I feel the lesson was that we all need each other. We have to learn to get along and compromise. I feel like everything in life is about finding that happy medium between extremes. In the show, I feel like they were hinting that if everyone was far left, we would have been blown up by now (because coming from someone not on the far left but more left than most of the South for sure, we are all about peace and too nice sometimes). However, if everyone was far right, we would have blown up everyone else by now and would probably have gotten ourselves blown up in the process.

This makes me think of a movie we had to watch in high school. In the movie, the Cold War turned hot and I am pretty sure we nuked Russia or they nuked us first one. I am not really sure who nuked who first, and it does not really matter by this point because as soon as one did it, the other did in response and the citizens of both countries were all nuked. Some survived, but most of the ones who did eventually died from cancer from the radiation poisoning, if I remembering correctly. That was over 20 years ago and the horror of that movie is still with me. We all need each other.  I just wish we could realize that and work together and compromise more and fight less, but I guess some fighting is inevitable when you do not live in Pleasantville.

Bio: Amanda Dodson Gremillion published her first book in 2012. She began revising it in 2019 and republished it as Just Buy Her A Dress and She’ll Be Fine. The story chronicles her experience with severe postpartum OCD, anxiety and depression. Amanda is a graduate of Auburn University, and now lives in Calera, Alabama, with her husband, Jay, their daughter, Aubrie, and their two dogs, Honey Girl and Cooper. She hopes to write more books in the future. Follow Amanda’s journey on Facebook,  or twitter at https://twitter.com/AmandaGremilli2 and order her book here.  Also, follow her on the Mighty here Amanda Dodson Gremillion | The Mighty Contributor or listen to her podcast here Just Buy Her A Dress and She’ll Be Fine • A podcast on Anchor . You can also find her on Instagram here Amanda Dodson Gremillion (@justbuyheradress) • Instagram photos and videos.

Racism, Sexism and Postpartum Mood Disorders

I have been wanting to write a blog about current events without it feeling like I am writing an obligatory George Floyd post. Of course if you write about current topics it is more likely to be shared by other sites and read etc., but even if I wanted to how could I relate it to what I write about which is normally mental health, parenting, and mood disorders, especially postpartum ones? Also, I am not black, but my black friends have been encouraging us to speak out more for them lately more than ever. Over the last few weeks, I have seen two different ways these current events do relate to what I write about, even though there are probably many more.

I have always posted a lot about women not receiving enough care before and after birth and this being worse in the United States than most other major countries. This is the case for black women even more than white woman though. Too many women die giving birth, too many have premature babies, too many women get postpartum mood disorders and do not get proper treatment for them, but black women are 3-4 times more likely to die from pregnancy related causes than other races, 50 percent more likely to give birth prematurely compared to white women, according to the March of Dimes, and at least twice as likely to get postpartum depression and less likely to be treated properly for it. Some will say this is due to other issues such as poverty, drug addition, etc. but if poverty and drug addiction are affecting one race so much worse than others, how can that not still be related to race?

Also, it is not just poverty and drug addiction. I have ready many stories recently about middle class or rich black women who have felt they were treated differently during pregnancy or birth due to race, including Serena Williams. I have also read stories of some even losing their life like this one: https://thegrio.com/2020/02/19/distraught-father-sues-cedars-sinai-hospital-after-his-wife-dies-during-childbirth/. I do not think the majority of these cases are doctors or nurses being outright racist, although we all know that exist on some level. It seems like with many other things it may truly be stemmed in systematic racism. Anyone can experience police brutality, but black men seem to experience it the most.

The people affected most are trying to fight against these things, but we should all be fighting together because they affect us all. I have friends and family that are cops. Just because I believe in reform within the police department (and also prison reform and so many other things while we are at it), does not mean I am siding against them or I do not think their life matters too. I truly do. If anything, I think some reforms would benefit police as much as citizens, although I am not for getting rid of the police dog on Paw Patrol and I stand with Chase. If citizens are less scared of police, than they are less hated and are safer. If things are put into place to reduce the number of women dying giving birth or giving birth to babies prematurely, why would anyone be against this?

If you are still wondering the second way I think this relates to what I write about, when I was younger, I often heard people imply that racism and sexism no longer exist, or are no longer major issues. Then I experienced sexism repeatedly. I experienced it the most when I became a mother, but I experienced it some before that. I experienced boys being able to grab your body and get away with it, I experienced fear of getting too comfortable or drinking at a party, or wearing certain things or acting a certain way, or going certain places alone at night, because if something happened to you it would be your own fault. I experienced sexism in so many ways in my career.

I experienced sexism with an accountant a couple times before I finally realized and used someone else. My husband and I have taken turns being the breadwinner in our marriage. When we first married, he was still in school and I was earning more. When we went to get our taxes done for the first time, the man doing our taxes had swapped our incomes. I tried to pretend this might be an honest mistake, it was fixed and we filed. Next year, the same thing happened again, so of course I started doing our taxes on my own using Turbo-tax. I also caught another mistake he made that year I knew about because of my job that would have cost us hundreds off of our refund.

When I went through severe postpartum depression years ago, my husband and I got so close to divorcing that I tried to remove him from my bank account. I had this bank account since I was in high school and eventually had him added to it when we got married. He did not even use it, I just wanted him to have access to it if he needed it or something happened to me which is exactly what I told the bank when adding him. When I tried to remove him, it turns out the bank had made him the main one on the account when I added him, so I was not able to remove him, even with his permission. I had to open a new account. Seriously? This explains why when they sent me new checks back then, I wondered why his name was the main name on them and mine was on the second line. I did not even want his name on them at all unless it had to be, and never requested he be the main person on the account or on my checks. I probably should have switched banks over this, but I realized the person who did this had done it years ago and may not even work for them anymore, but I did voice my concerns to them.

We have yet to have a female vice president or president but sexism no longer exists? I do not know how many times in my life by the way, I heard that a woman could not be president because she would be too emotional and might get us blown up. I usually try not to get too political in my posts because people of all beliefs get postpartum mood disorders, and I hope to help them all, but even if you are a Trump fan, can we all agree that argument went out that window when he became president? That is one emotional man.

Black men got the right to vote 50 years before black women or white women, but many still face barriers legally voting even now and ever since it became legal. Black people and women both gained a lot of rights in the late 1960’s and the 1970’s. Women could not even open their own bank account before the 1970’s, or breastfeed in public (and they often still get shamed by many for that second one, and that bank account experience in this blog occurred around 2011). Women still often have to have permission from their husband or have had to have a certain number of children before some doctors will provide them a hysterectomy or tie their tubes, but men do not face the same when getting vasectomies. Clearly sexism and racism both still exist. At least we are making progress, but it seems we still have a ways to go.

Bio: Amanda Dodson Gremillion published her first book in 2012. She began revising it in 2019 and republished it as Just Buy Her A Dress and She’ll Be Fine. The story chronicles her experience with severe postpartum OCD, anxiety and depression. Amanda is a graduate of Auburn University, and now lives in Calera, Alabama, with her husband, Jay, their daughter, Aubrie, and their two dogs, Honey Girl and Cooper. She hopes to write more books in the future. Follow Amanda’s journey on Facebook,  or twitter at https://twitter.com/AmandaGremilli2 and order her book here.  Also, follow her on the Mighty here Amanda Dodson Gremillion | The Mighty Contributor or listen to her podcast here Just Buy Her A Dress and She’ll Be Fine • A podcast on Anchor . You can also find her on Instagram here Amanda Dodson Gremillion (@justbuyheradress) • Instagram photos and videos.

Political & Religious Views & Mental Health

I now try to avoid talking about politics and religion on my book Facebook page or blog and in my book, since they divide people so much. I talked a lot about them in my old book and formerly on my site. They have changed some since then, so you would think I would want to discuss them even more, but I want people with all religious and political beliefs to benefit from my message, because people with all different beliefs get depressed, anxious or have obsessive compulsive disorder, other mental illnesses or postpartum mental illnesses. I do talk about them some, but only how they relate to my depression, anxiety and OCD. I don’t even talk about them much on my personal Facebook page, and when I do I often regret and delete it.

The truth is I am still trying to become braver every day and trying to become truer to myself constantly. I have always hated conflict, wanted to keep the peace and have let people silence me for that reason in the past. I have silenced myself for friends and family while never expecting friends and family to do the same. It is not even always political or religious disagreements, just anything you disagree with someone on. My husband has always been more outspoken than me. He once had two family members come onto his Facebook page and start an argument with him, and they were rude and ugly about it. When I chimed in to try and defend him, they basically asked us why we think anyone cares about either of our opinions. They then tried to act like they only use Facebook for pictures and not stuff like this, basically shaming him for posting his opinion on his own page, even though they were the ones going onto someone else’s page to start something. The most painful part was most family actually blamed my husband and I for this for this somehow instead of the others, while our friends saw us under attack and defended us, and were shocked at us being treated that way by family.

My husband has since deleted Facebook, and he quickly deleted that post due to me advising him to, because the world did not need to see that family argument. I have since unfriended those two family members. We still see each other at family functions, we still are nice and civil for the kids and family, but that is it. For years before this, I tried to have a close relationship with this people with no luck. I tried so hard to connect with them personally, to understand them, to help them understand me, to get our kids together often because they love to play together. This was usually very one sided and after this Facebook encounter, I quit trying altogether – not only with them, but with others I did that with as well, in my own family and in my husband’s family, and even with some friends. The closer relationship I wished for that we will probably never have still saddens me, but I still love them and care about them.

We all get upset at Congress for not being civil with each other, being so divided and not at least compromising, especially when it comes to the things we all actually agree on, when we cannot even do it ourselves. Turns out Congress is representing exactly who we have become. People block or unfriend others for having different opinions or tell them to leave the state or country and shame them. Actually, the truth is sadly I think we agree on most things, just not on how to handle those things. No one thinks abortion is a great thing. No one wants people to get mass abortions. However, some think the solution is making them illegal, while others have seen this happen in the past only to have rich women continue to get abortions, poor women die still trying to get them, and all woman who miscarry or stillbirth becoming suspects and at risks of losing their lives when they lose the baby. They instead think abortions will always happen whether legal or not, and that the answer is instead is to make sex education and birth control more widespread, and to assist those who need it financially when they do choose not to abort, and to make adoption easier. Some also think the focus should be on birth control for men, since they can make a lot more than one baby in a 9 month period, and can more easily flee responsibility from it. I know people who feel both ways and every way in between, and I do not think badly for any of them for it, because I have felt many different ways throughout my life. My views have changed and may again.

I even feel guilty when I block or unfriend people on Facebook, because it hurts when people do it to me. I only do so when I feel it is for my own mental health, and that was probably the case when they did it to me too – especially when I was not in good mental health myself, but I did at least try to later apologize and make amends with no luck.  However, I have had others apologize to me for the same and made amends with them.   I love having friends with different political and religious beliefs.  Don’t get me wrong, I hate that every day I have to see and ignore posts and even comments in person at times, from friends and family that are personally insulting to me, and anyone who believes different than they do, but I do. Meanwhile, if I post or say something they disagree with that does not personally insult anyone who disagrees, they feel the need to comment, argue, block, unfriend, etc.

If you feel that way, fine unfriend or block me now. I would say I no longer care, but honestly I do, it still hurts my feelings and makes me sad, but I refuse to not be myself anymore because you are not okay with it. I allow you to be yourself, I don’t shame you for it, I do try to have friendly debates and discussions with those willing, because that is how I have personally grown as a person over the years and feel we all grow. I appreciate those willing because it brings me a lot of joy. I enjoy seeing your pictures, hearing about your family, joking with each other, sharing our passions and beliefs, and accomplishments and struggles and everything in between. I also enjoy hearing your political beliefs, even when I disagree with them, as long as you are not ugly about it. I especially love the political jokes we can all laugh at together. I even get bothered by people who agree with me politically, posting things that insult friends and family of mine who don’t agree with me politically. The worst part is the ones who are ugly about it are often Christian. You are turning so many away from Christianity. Most Atheists and Agnostics I know are more friendly and compassionate. While I was raised a Conservative Christian, I was often shamed for even having friends that were Atheist or Agnostic or other religions. I did not understand how I was going to save anyone if everyone I knew was already saved, yet my Sunday School teacher’s  reaction anytime I used the words, “an atheist friend of mine” said it all.

We cannot expect Congress or politicians to change until we change ourselves. They are sadly a reflection of us and what our society has become. That being said, I personally can think of things in a lot of politicians I admire – even in politicians I don’t completely agree with. Of course, I don’t choose to believe everything bad I hear about them without evidence. I don’t truly hate any of them or think most are horrible people, I think they are all flawed people with some good in them, some a lot more good than others sure, but still. How many of us would run for office and face the same scrutiny willingly? A friend of mine thinks I should run for office. I can hardly get most people I know to support me writing a book and sharing personal thoughts, but sure I will run- and run under a party most I know personally despise while I am at it. I will become the person they post hateful things about on Facebook daily-sounds like a lot of fun. That being said, I love that this friend feels this way and has so much confidence in me that I still don’t have in myself yet. I am working on it though.

We have got to stop seeing things so black and white. That is why I could never connect with those family members by the way. One especially is the kind of person who sees things black and white. Nothing is black and white, the whole world is gray to me. There are not good and bad people. All people choose everyday to do good or bad things at any given time. They can change at any given time. They are not their parents or family, they do not even have to be the person they were yesterday if they do not want. If you cannot love everyone based on your political or religious beliefs, than there is something wrong with your beliefs. If the political or religious beliefs you were raised with cause you depression, or cause you to feel not yourself or out of place, than maybe they are not your beliefs. Maybe you only had them because your parents did and their parents did. Maybe it is time to figure out what you believe and what brings you peace.  Maybe it is time for you to only surround yourself with people who bring you peace, and I say that as I am still working on it myself daily. Rejection is so painful to me that I try so hard not to reject others, sometimes even sacrificing my own mental health in the process.

Bio: Amanda Dodson Gremillion published her first book in 2012. She began revising it in 2019 and republished it as Just Buy Her A Dress and She’ll Be Fine. The story chronicles her experience with severe postpartum OCD, anxiety and depression. Amanda is a graduate of Auburn University, and now lives in Calera, Alabama, with her husband, Jay, their daughter, Aubrie, and their two dogs, Honey Girl and Cooper. She hopes to write more books in the future. Follow Amanda’s journey on Facebook,  or twitter at https://twitter.com/AmandaGremilli2 and order her book here.  Also, follow her on the Mighty here Amanda Dodson Gremillion | The Mighty Contributor or listen to her podcast here Just Buy Her A Dress and She’ll Be Fine • A podcast on Anchor . You can also find her on Instagram here Amanda Dodson Gremillion (@justbuyheradress) • Instagram photos and videos.